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Copyright 2009-2016 by Aaron Agassi

 
UNMET FRIEND
Are you new to the area? Are you in life transition?
Who do you know who needs me?

 

   
 

Great minds discuss ideas. Mediocre minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.  Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Perhaps, after all, it was the Cuddly Cyborg who framed the best problem statement in the following set of graphs  from his now defunct website:

       I am a bum, an underachiever, a failure! -A serial failure, once again back to square one with nowhere to go.

Indeed, I have seen defeat grasped from the jaws of victory! And more than once. At least four times in my life, business associates and partners often making promises they had no intention of keeping, by sheer passive aggression actually undermined and sabotaged my efforts of their behalf in making connections and raising significant capital for their business startups. Those who'd rather have all of nothing, than part of something, are the hunter-killers of success even of whatever their own greatest innovation and potential! These promising new ventures, these grand ideas and their would-be creators, all sank without so much as a trace. I learned from bitter experience to press more pointed questions from the beginning.

Are people actually so terrified of being seen with me, that no cherished dream, no possible achievement and actually no amount of start up money at stake can ever tempt them? Why might that be? Currently I am failing even to begin an important discussion, the mission of this very website, FoolQuest.com

Alas, in every walk of life, my talent and ambitions, my emotional intelligence and relationship needs, all may often be shown by far advanced of my somewhat less formidable and poorly organized social dexterity. I am experienced with the hard lessons repeated failure, indeed even defeat snatched from the very jaws of victory! I am a loser. And I'll be a loser until I finally meet with greater success. I am a reject. And I will be a reject until I ever find greater acceptance. 

I don't even really want to fit in to all such structure as that I find so shallow, boring, stifling and  alienating to begin with. Alas that in the alternative, all that beckons with greater open expanse, whether it's the passion for Entrepreneurship, creativity, fun and play, the struggle to overcome bullying, reach out and connect, all my life my every aspiration has seemingly entailed veritable guerilla warfare to which I find myself so woefully ill equipped.

My social needs therefore and likewise are in the discovery of some or other better means or process of engagement pleasurably and meaningfully in outreach prospecting for new contacts in order to cultivate relationships of pleasurable and meaningful engagement and attachment in functional webs of support, and the avoidance of frustrating drudgery of lonely superficiality and triviality that are the prevailing alienated paradigm especially sans fortuitous prior networking connections for sharing better introductions,

I often feel different and out of step with others, bored, lonely, socially isolated and unappreciated. Indeed, I am often much maligned. As something of a non-conformist, My own stymied revulsion derives from how even the most dishonestly arduous and diligent compliance in all the most wearing and pointless heteronomy to begin with, only ever earns utterly the wrong prize, that then somehow or other must with equally great care, be in any part redeemed or exchanged at long last, for actual human needs whatsoever, only once the individual, so relentlessly worn down to nothing and no one, has finally long lost all connection all thereto. I am indeed critical and argumentative, tending to question seemingly arbitrary rules and dubious authority by pressing embarrassing and even taboo questions so blithely and readily dismissed as pipedream for wont of prior authoritative foundation or justification.

So be beware defying the malignant expectations of bullies and be careful of being seen with me, I am unpopular and it will rub off! I am a good friend, but a social liability. Learn why I am really so excluded, and understand all that I have to offer as a friend: My unpopularity has as much to do with jealousy and threat over my best qualities as with anything all so odd or inept, let alone every damaging and scurrilous slander that I have endured.

I seek both to cultivate close personal relationships and also to enjoy the novelty of new connections. Loneliness, social and emotional isolation, consists of any deficiency or discrepancy between ones own desired versus actually achieved or at all available, quality of social interaction and communication. That is why, so paradoxically, feelings of painful isolation are often actually triggered in the presence of and by interaction with others. Even worse, social support as ever may remain amongst the foremost predicate of success, hence deficiency or mismatch to whatever actual needs, of social support, the very recipe for failure.

It is said that what women seek is someone to make them feel emotions. Well then, never fear, for one way or another, I do seem to have that effect upon people! I am approachable. I am a man who knows what he wants.

Are you a value maximizer? Then you should want me in your life because if you talk to me much at all. you will readily discover that I am of tremendous value. As for anyone who tells you otherwise, well, to those with the wit to really pay attention and the confidence to believe it, in subtext the most malignant gossip may often tell you only all about the persons speaking, bullies and cronies exploitive to the core, that they simply do not have your best interests at heart whatever they may pretend or imply, conniving, resentful, jealous, and above all: fearing to compete fair and square in life.

Crucial as they may be, when compartmentalized and sanitized from all else and pursued directly and as ends in of themselves, relationship so often remain elusive and untenable. This is because attachment and relationship arise only as byproducts of any purposeful interaction and substantive communication.

For happiness, Epicurus espoused freedom, friendship and thought. Happy people talk more seriously together, freely, and with less small talk, deliberating Dialectically in critical controversy, with civility as autonomous equals. Happy people are more productive and likely to choose creative activities. Happiness comes in meeting ones needs for capable interaction with responsible others, making progress every day.

Fictional Entrepreneurship, the ability to make the impractical practical, entailing rationally and realistic deliberation together upon every most fantastical seeming aspiration and ambition imaginable, much to the annoyance of all those so Hell bent, one way or another, upon resignation and making do, because that is what they have been told constitutes being well adjusted, despite all glaring evidence to the contrary.

In the famous words of Socrates:"The unexamined life is not worth living for a human being." But even the very question of identifying one's own unmet needs and frustrations, of even naming all that is truly missing, much less strategizing action, truly seems nothing more or less than actually taboo out of reach and readily dismissed as pipedream for wont of prior authoritative and risk-free foundation or justification.

In defiance of all such alienated and heteronymous mindless conformity of the sheeple, nevertheless may I ever hope at all to be a mensch, compassionate, companionable, approachable, empathic, honest, reliable, playful, disciplined, a staunch ally and accomplice, attentive, supportive and accepting, a true friend and close confidant often valued in how, with patience, attention, kindness and abiding respect, I am worth knowing. My few close relationship tend to be such as kindled from an often conflicted fascination with my compassionate intellect, candor and principle. I have been a true friend and staunch ally though no crony, of help and comfort to others both in strategic thinking and to probe and better understand themselves and even to take heart in quest of whatever personal forbidden fruit.

To quote Simone Weil: "Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." And in the words of Jason Jordan: "True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.  For authentic love, attachment, compassion and friendship, even undivided attention, are all distinctly marked by such features as patience and kindness rather than envy, rude and boastful pride, conformism, conditionality, domineering control quick to wrath and grudge collecting, by forthright honesty rather than hollow flattery and self-serving deceit, by protection and trust with every hope for the others' best interests, with perseverance through conflict, wanting for another all that they want for themselves, with no terrified servile defense of arbitrary status quo. Indeed, as George Orwell said: "The main motive for ''nonattachment'' is a desire to escape from the pain of living, and above all from love, which, sexual or non-sexual  is hard work."  It is said that women want someone who makes them feel. Well, I have that effect on people! I know myself and I know what I want. With me, what you see is what you get.

I suffer, life long, from the most dire of social diseases: sobriety.

  No Smoking           no bullshit
               

No (unpleasant) Surprises Good logistical support can empower my productivity. I am assertive and responsive. To be desired and appreciated builds confidence. I am warm, somewhat transparent, intense, lecherous, engaging, challenging, original, memorable, observant, perceptive, imaginative, capable of unusual creative connection of multiple seemingly unrelated ideas, meaningfully, with superior reasoning, experimental perspective of trial and error, abstract conceptualization and problem solving, both convergent and divergent thinking, pattern recognition, high intelligence, highest verbal ability, depth, content, advanced comprehension and insight, and perhaps therefore often awkward and irritable towards idle dissociation and feigning interest in vapid small talk, guile and arbitrarily vicious and picayune backbiting.

Even quite without social status to enhance another's social standing passively by association, then, better by far and without desperate sycophancy, true friends and allies will still make no secret of mutual respect and real assistance.

I have no influence to peddle, no fearful peer pressure by which to intimidate and control others, no vested interests to keep everyone in line. Only the perception of benefit or any joy has ever bound anyone to me. I am loquacious, incisive, a good listener and a scintillating conversationalist, a most amusing fellow and  with an excellent and unusual sense of humor. I am a true friend.

Hence, so wonting of achievement, social standing, connection and clout, I am only ever valued and appreciated upon my own merits by those who first at all will be troubled to relate to me directly, Indeed, it may be said that when you understand a women for who she really is, then she may become inclined make you any part of her life. And indeed, precisely that is all that has ever worked for me, romantically,

Whenever and if at all. I have tended more towards cultivation of few close friendships than to the adolescent fascination with vast networks of acquaintanceships that is clearly so advantageous in life but eludes me. I remain unpopular and unappreciated by anyone who troubles not to better know and understand me for themselves, cherished only by those few who do, an asset never a liability. Why waste time with those who do not appreciate you? I am neither influential nor facile, and therefore have never sustained any personal relationship with anyone who didn't quite simply see good from it, even intrinsically.

I often find myself in a quandary of frustrated aspirations and values and...

Seeking, always, happiness with: "a partner in crime."

For in the words of James Dickey: "The true feeling of sex is that of a deep intimacy, but above all of a deep complicity."
 
"Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity."   Simone Weil:

 

 

 
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