Treatment for a new Vampirella movie
By Aaron Agassi
Opening credits sequence: Under the eerie moon light, casting dual shadows! twin spiders on the Loom of Fate, are spinning Vampirella's signature scanty costume over Vampirella herself, slowly and languorously rising and emerging into the gloom from the obscuring web strands, slipping on her arm band and bracelet. More smaller spiders slip down their strands, to comb her lustrously layered raven tresses, whilst the larger twin spiders attach her signature earrings.
Voice over: To thine own self be true, sayeth the Bard. Yet the word to the wise, is always to mind which way the wind blows. Think what you like, but do as you are told. Yes, it's easy and popular to declare that you are who you say you are. But the powerful ever proclaim that no, you are who others say you are. You are who I need you to be. So who is Vampirella? That's easy: Everybody knows that Vampirella is her costume!
Fade in: On the streets of Morocco, Pendragon, an old man in formal wear, finds himself snatched into a dark alleyway by a tall and mysterious figure in full burqa, who shushes Pendragon and points, drawing his attention to an angry mob in hot pursuit, demanding their money back. The woman quickly throws off her stifling burqa by sprouting and then retracting gigantic leathery black bat wings, revealing herself as none other than Vampirella, in her signature scanty attire and classic calf high heeled black leather boots. Pendragon is duly impressed. Meanwhile, from his place of concealment, Dracula reaches out with his mind in order to cloud and confuse Vampirella's sense of direction, as, together, Pendragon and Vampirella flee through the passages and alleyways, only to find themselves back on the street, cornered by the angry mob. Vampirella whispers to Pendragon, who reacts in astonishment, producing his magic wand and announcing: And for my grand finale, I shall transform my lovely assistant into a bat! Abracadabra. Vampirella makes good on Pendragon's promise by transforming into a bat, and back again. Passersby throw coins! The mob, amazed, is satisfied and disperses. Only Dracula, observing from the shadows, is clearly disappointed.
Montage of Pendragon and Vampirella travelling around the world and doing their magic show in seedy clubs and bars (for which Vampirella and Pendragon both sport capes), even movie and supermarket openings. -anything they can get. To Pendragon's shame and discomfort, in a seedy strip joint, Vampirella on stage dances for Cousin's Creepy and Erie, in the audience.
Cut to: In the dead of night, Vampirella creeps past the check point where the pudgy old guard is munching on a mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich and watching TV. It's the scene from 'The Princess Bride' with the line: "Have fun storming the castle!" Stealthily, Vampirella breaches the castle's heavy defenses in the dead of night, making short work of the inner circle of mercenary guards. Vampirella's fighting style, the Drakulon Mantis Cha-Cha, is a modified Northern Praying Mantis Fist, characterized by a continuous whip-quick circular parry-strike defense flowing into precise hook like follow-up attacks on the return sweep, adapting also the Cha-Cha-Cha dance steps for movement in very high heels, characterized by shifting hips on alternately weighted legs, and maintaining its offbeat rhythm by warding off the opponent in order to force them into a first half step.
As the alarm sounds, the grumbling old guard at the gate straps on his revolver, grabs and cocks a shotgun, and hurries off in response.
Meanwhile, the next wave of the castles defenders employs the Mimic Man TM, a sort of minimalist exoframe. Mimic Man TM is constructed simply from PVC pipe or even Kevlar, like a jointed stick figure of the human body, strapped on at belt, neck, knees, elbows wrists and foot brace. The jointed rods of Mimic Man TM can be worn over the chest or the over the back, arms and legs to the front back or sides. Mimic Man TM Mimic Man TM adds armored protection for hand to hand blocking moves. With a modular powered option, human strength can be enhanced. Engaging the ratchet function for the joints, Mimic Man TM saves energy and stamina for the mercenary guards stealthily free climbing into action. Others speed into battle in recumbent vehicle configuration. Others still, soar into action with modular attached fan powered ultralight aircraft systems. -All offering Vampirella at all greater challenge. Vampirella still overcomes them, actually throwing ground troops into the air to bring down the low flying aerial troops.
Vampirella, in mounting suspicion, readily disarms and begins to interrogate the old guard as he arrives: Why is no one shooting at her? Why do they so badly want her alive? But the old guard is clueless and time is short.
Meanwhile, deep within the castle, coiled about by the strangely cobra-cowled and massive boa constrictor Leong Naga, Amfortas, the master of the castle, who operates the Mimic Man restricted to carefully set range of movement, for correct movement and stretching exercises, but finding himself too agitated for Yoga, with too much muscle ache for martial arts, at the suggestion of the boa constrictor Liong Naga, Amfortas settles on practicing the perfect golf swing. Amfortas pauses when the phone rings, in order to reconfigure Mimic Man TM into a recliner and answer the phone: Excellent, she's on her way! He reconfigures Mimic Man TM yet again, with a Orbitron Human gyroscope, for Virtual Reality interface, leaping through the stones and gliding through the castle in phantomlike telepresence, all in order to observe in rapt anticipation, as Vampirella makes her way stealthily deep into the castle, straight into a trap! Mysteriously, Vampirella seems to sense Amphoras' telepresence just as the trap is sprung: Writhing tentacles slither up from a massive grate in the floor, ensnaring Vampirella long enough for more mercinaries to capture Vampirella. From beneath the massive grating, he horrid gurgling roar of the monstrous dweller deep in the catacombs, rumbles through the castle, as Vampirella is thrown into the dungeon at the very feet of Amfortas.
In the dungeons, Amfortas, fully aware of her dangerous powers, gloats over Vampirella restrained in heavy bondage. The bondage device is yet another modular configuration of the same Mimic Man TM unit, variably arranged in order to readily shift helpless and captive Vampirella, from one compromising position to another at will. Gloating, Amfortas warns Vampirella how shape shifting will only tear her apart in her bonds. Jamming dental calipers between Vampirelaa's ruby lips, Amfortas eagerly examines Vampirella's pointy vampire fangs with his probing tongue! Groping and manhandling her, demanding of Vampirella to make him a vampire. -his only hope of survival, as he is dying from a terminal disease. Vampirella is not only angry, but astonished: What, don't you people have cryostasis? No once living thing can return from moldering rot into the soil. And this peculiar genetic degenerative condition that you call aging! -eradicated on my home world, ages ago! Vampirella reveals that she is actually a space alien. As Amfortasm grow irritated, Leong Naga coils ever tighter. Vampirella, gasping for breath, struggles to explain to Amfortas that she cannot turn him into a vampire, because the undead are a myth, and the supernatural a waste of precious time and resources, even offering to advise Amfortas in extraterrestrial medical science and technology. But Amfortas refuses to believe Vampirella at all. Leong Naga, uncoiling from Amfortas and coiling about Vampirella, begins probing Vampirella's mind. Leong Naga whisper's to Amfortas: I still can't get though, boss. I think she might believe what she says!
As the hours lengthen, and tension grows, the shrieks and roars of the unseen creature of the catacombs rumble through the dungeon intermittently, from the vast, dark and dank mist enshrouded pit. Leong Naga, frightened, tightens his coils about Vampirella. The hunger grows as the hours lengthen. Vampirella (in outer space flash backs attired in weird peek-a-boo armor and spikes), relates to Amfortas her escape from the dying planet Drakulon, orbiting the twin suns Satyr and Circe, Drakulon, a world scorched by the variable star Satyr, Drakulon where the life sustaining rivers of blood have run dry, by commandeering the space craft of hostile invaders from Earth in order to track them back to their home world, indeed as it turns out, to a malevolent top secret government program. Amfortas scoffs and pokes holes in her story. Amfortas calls Vampirella a liar, and, conjuring inserted edited images from his imagination, boasts how he has learned the true origin of Vampirella the redeemer, daughter of false penitent Lilith, among the vampires in flashback bathing and rising lithe, gory and naked onto the banks of the blood river Styx, indeed then to their great despair, running dry in the domain of Drakulon in subterranean Hades. Now it is Vampirella's turn for incredulity and scorn!
But Amfortas, who had clearly been expecting her, reveals that he knows how Vampirella, under cover of her travelling show with Pendragon, has come following the trail of clues across the world, from highly guarded secret laboratories, remote assassins' strongholds and lost sunken ruins, all in quest of the mcguffin. - a hopeless fool's errand. Indeed, Amfortas himself purchased the castles in order to find the mcguffin, and together with Leong Naga, searched every nook and cranny in vain.
Insert edited flashbacks:
1) A scientist holding a chalk and wearing his lab coat, struggles with equations on his black board. A beautiful deep red nailed manicured hand, slips into view, likewise holding a chalk, much to the scientists delighted surprise, to correct his equations. Finally he turns: It is Vampirella, wearing an open labcoat. The shoulder seem of the sleeve is a little torn. The security guards are all sprawled across the floor.
2) Vampirella stealthily slithers through the rafters in a vast ancient library guarded by deadly Ninjas, and purloins a very specific scroll.
3) Vampirella's high heeled boots sit neatly folded on the most gorgeous and isolated beach. Beneath the assure waves, Vampirella effortlessly glides, free diving amid the coral encrusted sunken ruins, teaming with splendiferous sea life, to find a massive crumbling wall in relief, of Lovcraftian writings and monstrously illustrated diagrams, embellished by dreadful carvings. The yellow bat emblem emblazoned upon on the low slung crotch of Vampirella's scanty costume functions as an electronic flash camera!
Amfortas, lecherously stroking through her raven tresses, snatches out the vial of concentrated blood substitute upon which Vampirella subsists, and smashes it before her very eyes, so that she will starve until she finally she can only break down and feed upon him.
Amfortas taunts and rails at Vampirella: "Look how well marbled I am, my blood so rich and tasty. Don't you want to eat me? I t'ought I saw some pussy fangs. Has this bad pussy got teeth, meow?" As Amfortas shifts Vampirella about in Mimic Man TM bondage, straining open her knees until the crotch of her costume tightens into camel toe! Vampirella humiliated and enraged, fights down her hunger, nearly losing control when Amfortas slaps her full in the face, venting his frustrated desperation.
Still in heavy restraint, Vampirella, containing herself, hypnotically beguiles laboriously gasping Amfortas into resting his weary head upon her heaving bosom, so that amid the heady pheromone scent, in dawning awareness of the warmth of her skin, Amfortas finds himself astonished to discover Vampirella's heartbeat. It beats, it beats, it beats! He grasps to explain it all away, accusing Vampirella of ingesting silver nitrate that might give even a vampire a running fever, of bare handedly ripping out the still beating human heart from the body of an innocent, for transplant in replacement of her own black heart, and all in order more readily to pass for living.-And of covering up the surgery scars with a boob job!
Insert edited flashbacks from Amfortas' grizzly imagination, for the above:
1) Vampirella, slices open her own chest with her razor fingernails alone, expands open her own rib cage with her own bare hands, all in order to wrest out and cavalierly discard her own literally black and shriveled heart! Then, in a single precise strike of her hand and long manicured deep red nails, Vampirella easily plucks out the still beating heart from a horrified passerby, a Falun Gong handing out protest leaflets, in order then, to operate upon herself with needle and suture, by touch alone, to transplant and receive the still beating heart of her victim!
2) Vampirella, all closed up again with suture, contemplates a pair of silicone implant bags, one in each hand.
Vampirella bursts out in broken laughter of desperation and incredulity, cursing the barking madness of Amfortas! Even Leong Naga seems embarrassed! Vampirella pleads and insists that she is no mythical undead, there are none, and that she has no power to transform him into one, only to kill if she doesn't get free to restock on her concentrated blood substitute immediately.
At this point boa constrictor bodied Leong Naga, still coiled about Vampirella, slithers to rear his strangely cobra cowled countenance for a word in the ear of Amfortas: She dresses like a stripper and comports herself with all the poise of Jackie Onassis, blithely unmindful of any impropriety. But somehow I don't think she's livin' on the spectrum. Maybe she really is a space alien, with none of the traditional limitations for keeping the supernatural in check. And a deadly extraterrestrial life form at that. Because, oh yah, what's more, even with that rockin'n bod, one stares at her tits, no one dares! -Except for you, Boss. You think you've got nothing to lose, but there's always...
Amfortas silences Leong Noaga with an angry retort. Amfortas is indeed afraid, but in his hopeless despair and still will never relent. In a final desperate threat and provocation, Amfortas sets loose from the catacombs, their horrid denizen, revealed as none other than the eldritch tentacled despoiler Hentai-BemSothoth, upon Vampirella, also instructing his henchmen by phone, to clear the way for the dread Hentai-BemSothoth to be set loose upon the hapless populace. Terrified, Leong Naga flees into the stonework. At long last, for all of her struggles, Vampirella breaks loose to do battle with Hentai-BemSothoth. The powerful writhing tentacles begins to overcome Vampirella, slithering and encircling her. But as the odious neither being seeks to violate her every orifice with its engorged penile tentacles, Vampirella breaks free, and renews her attack upon Hentai-BemSothoth, smashing its sensitive eyestalks and wresting the horrid creature apart, tentacle from tentacle! The agonized death throes of the vast and writhing tentacled bulk, throw Vampirella upward smashing her upward against the vaulted ceilings of the chamber, whilst rending asunder the very castle foundations! And then, in the chaos, to her own horror, Vampirella finally loses control! Vamirella dives downward to tackle Amfortas, awaiting her in paradoxically exultant triumph. Vamirella seizes Amfortas in a crushing viselike embraces, breathing in his scent! At long last, Vampirella animalisticly slakes her thirst, gorging herself upon Amfortas! Fallen Amphortas then pleads with guilt ridden Vampirella, standing over him covered in the slime and ichor of Hentai-BemSothoth and in Amfortas' own blood, to complete the process and transform Amfortas into a vampire before he dies from Vampirella's attack. But Vampirella stands dumbfounded, still with no idea how. A virgin, how sweet! - Amphortas chides Vampirella.
At his instruction, Vampirella cuts herself with her long clawed fingernails, and makes ready to feed Amfortas her own blood. Rapturously, Amfortas anticipate the once in a life time sublime rush of power and connection in the bond that he will share with Vampirella, but then in desperate consternation only gags on her blood! It's not working. But Dracula said... Vampirella is astonished: Dracula is real? Yes, Dracula, old Vlad Tepid himself, Amfortas chuckles to himself painfully, offered to make Amfortas a vampire, assuring him that he would not have to become a sniveling Renfield, but that he had the drive, confidence and supremacy to rise as a master vampire, even like unto Dracula himself. More like domineering Narcissistic arrogance, retorts Vampirella. You say tomato..., deflects Amfortas. But yearning so for immortality, why didnít Amfortas accept Dracula's offer? Because, confesses Amfortas, I don't want to be anything like that monster Dracula, I want to be brave, caring, heroic and even melancholy. I want to be just like you... And with that, Amfortas expires. Tenderly brushing her cheek, his bloody hand falls limp and still.
It is then that Vampirella notices that beneath the bloody tatters of his clothing, Amfortas' sports a deep red leather jock with suspenders, featuring Vampirella's own bat emblem! I thought nothing was worse than to be bereaved of my home, a refugee, a monster. -muses Vampirella. But now I'm his role model! That is by far a greater mischief, when others will look to me for their salvation that I cannot provide them. Vampirella lays the broken body of Amfortas to rest, and begins working out the hiding place of the mcguffin.
The chamber is indeed some kind of tomb, and the walls are carved with the drawings including Leonardo da Vinci's Vitruvian Man, fitting the entire arc of movement of the human body, into a circle and an offset square, along with other illustrations and formulae that had so clearly inspired Amfortas to invent the Mimic Man TM.
No sooner does Vampirella find the mcguffin, then Dracula and his retinue appear! Renfield sheepishly explains: With Amfortas dead, it is no longer his home, and therefore no invitation is required in order to cross the threshold. That never stopped me, retorts Vampirella. On the contrary, Miss Vamiprella, rebuts Rebfield, obsequiously, what have you followed here but a most venerable and ancient invitation to who so with the wit understands it? Dracula silences the sniveling toady Renfield. I fear this lively debate has nevertheless lost any of its charm for our clever new friend. Well done, Vampirella, applauds Dracula. Now turn over the mcguffin to me, and take your rightful place amongst the wives of Dracula. The wives of Dracula are submissive, but glower with burning jealousy. But Vampirella declines: "It was you I felt in Morocco. You wanted me to lash out and become reviled as a monster. Then you would so graciously take me under your wing to join your coterie of predators. And that is why you humored poor desperately deluded Amfortas. But I trust you no more than he did, old Vlad Tepid! And I still have no use for any of you."
Dracula rebuts: "Blaming me is to easy, Vampirella, but you are always more honest with yourself than that. You cannot deny that darkness is bound up in your destiny, and in truth, not without its allure for you." "I'm not bad" sighs Vampirella, adding derisively: "I'm just drawn that way... ?!" "Pw-w-w-wease!" retorts Renfield, sheepishly.
Vampirella almost fights her way free; well and bravely, inflicting heavy casualties, until, Dracula once again makes use of his mesmerism, this time to compel Vampirella to sprout huge bat wings, awkward and constraining in the narrow collapsed space.
Dracula's powerful influence dredges up a repressed memory, of Vampirella as an an anachronistic schoolmarm at a modern day public school. The blackboard is covered with equations similar to the ones on the scientists blackboard in the earlier montage. As the bell rights for the end of the last class of the day, much to the oohs ahs and laughter of the children, her boy friend arives to pick her up, bearing gifts. Dressed more casually, nevertheless, he is none other than Dracula! No, you shouldn't have! -she protests... Just a little something for our summer vacation, darling! He protests.
Cut to: Vampirella trying on the gifts at home: First the signature earrings, sitting before her vanity. Not her usual style, but who knows what pleases men! Next the armband and the bracelet, solid brass. She flashes back: Taylor made just for you. I memorized your measurements. I'm sure! she replies, huskily. Vamprella exits the school arm in arm with Dracula. Utterly beguiled, Vampirella completely fails to notice the dark cloud that follows them, tracking their every move, shielding the Prince of the Undead from the warming brightness of the afternoon sun!
Home again, from one package she tries on a pair of ankle breaking stiletto high heeled boots, and from a little shoe box, she discovers a length of red satin leatherette, a daring one piece swim suit. She imagines actually swimming in it! To her chagrin, another box contains a package of surgical gauze microwavable epilating wax strip and a pink plastic disposable razor in a blister pack! quick cuts: The microwave dings! Close up of her face, grimacing, with the sound of the wax strips zipping off! Cut to: Vampirella, in stinging pain and sensitized pleasure, running her hand over the new smoothness of her skin. The tiny outfit covers, but just! Remarkably, it fits like a glove. Combing out her layered raven tresses standing before the full length mirror, at last garbed as herself, Vampirella -reflects. For an instant, gazing into the mirror, her eyes dilate like the wolf! Shocked, Vampirella runs her tongue across her fangs...
Back in the present, outnumbered, Vampirella is overcome just short of escape. "Gooble Gobble, One of Us, We Accept Her, One of Us!" gloats Renfield, obsequiously.
Suddenly, Adam Van Helsing and the vampire hunters attack, and a chaotic three way melee ensues as Dracula loses his concentration, and Vampirella's batwings retract back into her body, freeing her to move about once again. The petite Abrial, Adam 's squire, set upon by Dracula, misfires her crossbow, nearly killing Adam. But as Vampirella escapes with the mcguffin, she tackles Adam, saving him, barely, from Abrial's errant crossbow bolt. Poor Abrial is sent sprawling, while Adam and Vampirella lock gaze, momentarily, and Adam hesitates to kill Vampirella. Meanwhile, hapless Abrial, flailing about, clutches the mcguffin from Vampirella's hand, and tumbles into to a fissure opened by the horrific death throes of the massive Hentai-BemSothoth. The fissure stretches up into the surface above. Vampirella squeezes in right after Abrial trapped in the fissure and takes back the mcguffin, as the melee continues. "You're smothering me with your absurdly enormous breast!" breathlessly gasps petite Abrial, huskily and in perfectly adorable protest. Vampirella, apologizing, blushes demurely. Then, right there before poor startled and shrieking Abrial, Vampirella transforms into a bat! Suddenly, slithering Leong Naga wounded and in a state of panic, emerges from the stonework, to attack and devour Vampirella in her bay form. Pinned and helpless, Abrial helplessly watches Vampirella escape Leong Naga, clutching the mcguffin in her talons, bearing aloft the weight of the mcguffin with some apparent difficulty. Then Vampirella is gone, up and out into the night. Much to Abireal's even further astonishment, bleeding and exhausted Leong Naga begs her for mercy.
Meanwhile, with the mcguffin now lost to them thanks to Vampirella, Dracula and his forces beat a hasty retreat, leaving the vampire hunters to lick their wounds. Someone helps poor klutzy little Abrial, still gazing upward in astonishment, out from the tight rocky fissure. It has started raining, and Abrial is soaked! Adam takes confession with their priest, of how he was beguiled by the raven tressed vampiress. Abrial stands unnoticed, humiliated in rejection. Soaked and bedraggled Abrial has become even the more invisible to Adam, whom she so clearly hero worships. Surreptitiously, Abrial retrieves and opens her duffle bag, setting it by the fissure for Leong Naga to slither in, gratefully.
On the surface, in the flashing lightening, rumbling distant thunder and cleansing downpour, Vampirella once again in human form and still in possession of the mcguffin, turns her face up to the cleansing rain. Vampirella, bare and pale skinned, betrays no discomfort from the damp and cold, even as the torrential rain begins to turn to sleet! When she first arrived at the castle of Amfortas, Vampirella's scanty fighting attire clung to her curves like shiny dark red duct tape. As the evening wore on, the fabric began to stretch much as a one piece bathing suit. In mortal combat with Hentai-BemSothoth, Vampirella's outfit has rolled up and bunched together into a heavy string one piece thong.
At long last, Vampirella suffers a major wardrobe malfunction: Strolling through the downpour, Vampirella sneezes...
And her tits pop out! At the bottom of the screen, shadows of the audience rise in standing ovation! In startled disbelief, Vampirella shrugs it off and squeezes the straps of her outfit clean of all the slime and gore, snapping and flattening out all of the scant material so that the smart fabric once again shapes and clings over her supple contours. Thunder and lightening! Preposterous, am I?! Vampirella rails into the elements...