EVERYTHING YOU EVER

WANTED TO WRITE ABOUT SEX*  

*But where too breathless and demure  to research! 

 

 

 

Writing is like making love.  Don't worry about the orgasm, just concentrate on the process. 

—Isabel Allende

 

The only good plot is a delayed fuck.
—Louis B. Mayer

If you write fiction you are, in a sense, corrupted. There's a tremendous corruptibility for the fiction writer because you're dealing mainly with sex and violence. These remain the basic themes, they're the basic themes of Shakespeare whether you like it or not.

    —Anthony Burgess

 

A dirty mind is a joy forever.

—Oscar Wilde

•more aphorisms

 

 

 

Q. What is sex appeal? 

-Or, Was it Good for You Too? 

A. crucial to believable biology and culture in World Building, can onstage Sex in the Story and issues of fantastic carnality, after all no less consequential and significant than in either innate or extrinsic reality, indeed, such an elemental life long dimension of the human condition and the world we live in or most any other, hence reciprocally integral to much the same writing competency as, and surely among the fundamentals of fiction writing, ever properly comprise a subject matter apart? 

Even if not by anything so vulgar or blatant as any particular explicit sex act or most basic plotline of an encounter, enticement, onstage sex appeal or seduction of one kind or another or by one means or another may be crucial in a story, or otherwise, one way or another, for sex appeal generally to factor into relationship and interaction and provide the opportunity for one character to flatter, flirt, seduce, beguile, to motivate or influence, even manipulate, or, likewise, to be motivated or influenced, even manipulated, by another character, to succumb or to resist, colluding and abetting or refusing and defecting, trust or control, even in confrontation with sexual politics at it's very worst.

The three motivating principle cofactors in effective manipulation are whatever the incentive and disincentive vulnerabilities of the target(s), the tactics of the manipulator(s), and time for the relationship to develop under whatever conditions, free or captive.

The phenomenon of manipulation is best defined as undue advantage from trickery via the exploitation of affective innate and conditioned triggers or "push buttons" to undermine and overwhelm, even barrage, resistance, caution, better judgment and autonomy of the target, via insidiously motivating subtext of emotional positive incentive and negative disincentive. –As distinct from open coercion alone or substantive disinformation, lies. Typically, the manipulator obfuscates the nature of their coercion exercised, along with whatever self-serving advantage thereof, whatever their own ultimate motivation.

Positive incentive manipulation is such as deviously appeals to value in fantasy and desire, love, sex greed, promoting false hope of whatever gain, in order to circumvent or overwhelm resistance, caution, better judgment and autonomy of the target. Whereas an example of negative disincentive manipulation, such insult as condescension that after all comes of love can be less painful than insult that comes without it, or more so, or equally so, as the case may be: but be that as it may, it is, in any case significantly more harmful. This is because insult provokes anger and hostility, but hostility towards people who even sincerely profess to love you and act on your own best interest is curbed and turned inwards, internalized, and experienced on the level of inner conflict of self-hostility, namely guilt. Such deceptive appeals undermining the target’s credulity and defenses even whilst actually exercising coercion constitute often likewise internalized flagrantly manipulative behavior, conscious or unconscious, selfish, indifferent or just desperate.

Because variables of rounded characterization and situation from which levels of conflict arise, must include not only anatomical sex, physique, voice and so on, as well as mannerisms and style, together with sexual preference or orientation, sexroles, gender identity and also the yin/yang of gender culture and stereotypical dysfunctionality, such as, incidentally, may also be associated Epistemologically as rational and Empirical Versus intuitive or not only culturally but more specifically to setting geographically as Occidental Versus Oriental:

Be a Mensch!  A synthesis of single minded convergent thinking with nuanced situational Gestalt may be achievable in the intellectual cultural Jewish trait or aptitude of justice, proportion, perspective and whole integrity, especially as refined in prewar Germany, by Einstein, Freud and Marx, Relativistically, via the integrative synthesis of divergent frames of reference or POV, everything from time dilation and inner life to a larger view of economics, overviews and special cases.

Why then, must dearest lovers compromise and sacrifice all that is of real meaning? Why, only for a codependent false sense of security. Such are controlling fear based relationships. A zero-sum relationship is one in which the parties each gain only from what the other gives up, but non-zero-sum denotes productively actually coming out ahead. Reciprocal gains without reciprocal cost. Indeed, ultimately, true love should be free to Altruism, advancing the interests of the beloved, and deserves reciprocation. And so, what must accrue, lofty romantic perseverance and illusion, vulgar and cynical tit-for-tat, even jeopardy of the complete breakdown of trust? Indeed, the shortest distance, the straight line, is the least common path to any happy ending, if at all. Nor will anything so simple, with no obstacle or complication to keep the outcome in doubt, ever make for drama, only pandering at best.

The Rules, so called, codify common ruthless manipulation by women, basically by gold diggers of one stripe or another. Although, if it makes anyone feel any better, it may often be suggested that all such classic feminine whiles and connivance are but the classic tactics of the oppressed, collaboration with the abuser adaptive of real deadly captivity even dating from ancient time frame. And even in recent generations, livelihood and survival remained very much at stake.

But now a days in our affluent world, there is the painful luxury of reflection, the Socratic worthlessness of the unexamined life, and the tragedy of women playing the same games, but playing so very badly, even seemingly Masochistically, the reality of Stockholm Syndrome (even as prevalent, by degrees) being nowhere ever near as gratifying as the kinky fairy tale.

Intensity, uncertainty, every Technique of Suspense plotting, temptation, curiosity and hesitation, all the sexual tension of freedom, autonomy, choice, responsibility, all calling to self-realization hither to inconceivable, the permissiveness of emerging and relevant romance from crushingly repressive tradition of honor killing, prostitution, arranged marriage or cutthroat mercenary matrimonial competition around the world, is the outward struggle with maddening indecision, levels of inner conflict as often arises between desires and confusion or fear, between what one wants and what one thinks one wants or ought to, desperation for validation, guilt. Between the crutches of insecurity and the yearning for genuine warmth, fraudulent conditionality versus genuine intimacy.

Indeed, the reason nice guys finish last, is because the sheer cruelty and emptiness of the old wretched game, and a very serious business it was, the sexrole of exploitative cynical struggle for survival by womankind effectively obstructed or deterred from gainful careers reserved for their men folk, depends upon frigid depraved indifference and avoiding the central tragedy of historical Romance, namely the dire danger of involvement and grave sacrifice presented in a man that a woman might care for, therefore useless from the perspective of a controlling gold digger, being however for real, emotionally accessible and at all beyond simple control by manipulation.

Now days, however, the rising standard of living has reduced real literal survival pressure enough that emotional need emerges and loneliness takes hold. But the same intergenerational transactional "script" remains, now become maladaptive.

Hence, not only do such desperate women still expertly sabotage love, but they have lost the sterner stuff for effective exploitation of men. As a result, they attain involvement, but mostly in the Ecclesiastical futility of pointlessly unhappy melodrama, aggravation and petty vicissitude. They have lost tradition and still fallen behind the times, abiding in limbo and achieving the worst of both worlds, a decided dramatic low point.

Hence, a sympathetic romantic heroine is one who finds in herself the courage for growth and hope to reach out, and her romantic lead is he who awakens her. Otherwise, to paraphrase Nietzsche, even a princess of fools is a laughable bimbo herself! -And her Prince Charming is likely just another thugly playa. Antithetical foils.

Characters develop out of situation, and plot ideas emerge from characters in different situations and the actions undertaken because of their relationships and conflict on many levels, the friction entailed as characters come into contact, dramatic conflict on many levels, internal and external, classic reversal in social connection as in the estrangement of the bullied idealistic whistle blower.

 Put the whistle blowers in charge!

All manner of situations, even quite unforeseen, may present any range of obstacles, from an empty bread box standing in the way of the perfect sandwich,  perplexing riddles and secrets denying truth, engineering limitations in the path of invention or a natural disaster barring very survival, but also, no less, a bad hair day spoiling Romance or a misunderstanding threatening love.

The dramatic efficacy of revealing and motivated subtext is in frustrated desire, giving rise to need and ingenuity. Drama is the gripping and engaging tension-laden presentation of conflict on many levels, whether or not the storyline is even believable. Drama is conflict inherent to situation, conflict being more than merely an event, but a condition, a relationship. Alas, however, beware! poor staging or presentation of conflict on any level dissipates inherent drama. No Powderpuff Pitty-Pat! Throughout the plot, every Technique of Suspense plotting is heightened as things are made more difficult, the personal emotional stakes are raised, and character growth is pressed by worsening complications for an active protagonist. So navigate the various possible paths and dead ends and to find stories always dig deeper for insight into struggle.

Each event in sequence that follows from motivated character action consistent with background, must in turn initiate from observable proximate stimulus unless entirely emerging from inner life, and, either way, rather than simply remaining mysterious, known only the mind of the character, must one way or another be shown intelligibly to the audience, even if none of any other characters; either way, in turn, quite probably another vitally important plot point. Whenever the cause and effect chain ever omits such links, expect plot holes stumbling amid succession of unrelated events.

Sexual tension

Stories and scenes are made memorable not merely in whatever empathy or curiosity merely as to the plot situation, but because of the reader or audience relationship, actual motivated feelings elicited for or even against the characters.

Inevitably, to show or evoke characterization, wherein motivation should be apparent, even through thoughts, however expository, onstage sex appeal may dramatically motivate conflict on many levels, emerging through subtext, What Lurks Beneath and body language, all shown by way of each of the senses in setting, action and atmospheric tone along with the Subtle and Delicate Art of Doublespeak dialogue, may either harmonize with text, or in true Method subtext, all even disagree with text, subtly, so as to draw attention into a  deeper vein or level of conflict by being subtly wrong , with the obstacles to love promoting sexual tension; love, hate, desire, attraction, increasing the tension and pathos of every Technique of Suspense plotting and anticipation, even discomfort and aversion, character conflict on many levels among the dramatis personae, within society, against fate or simply oneself, building upon levels of inner conflict, stress, desperation, indecision and frustration that must culminated either in resignation, despair, resolve or madness, not to mention Transference and the compelling transport of high fantasy reaching From Werewolf Sex To Bunny Love, not just Writing Love Scenes, or if one prefers, Quality Sex Scenes, but everything from the 'rules' for romance writing offering concise guidance for the dramatic plot structure of melodramatic pandering affirming and empowering girl cooties, all as doubtless programmed into the Computerized Romance Writer, to erotic role-play of the sage and sexpert advice of Susie Bright.

• Is It Love...Or Just Wishful Thinking?
• Six Ingredients of a Sensual Romance Novel
• Why Not Write Sensual Romance
• Sexual Tension in Romance Writing
• 10 Tips to Writing Love Scenes
• essentials to realize and intensify love scenes
• How much, how soon, how detailed...
• Blood 'n' guts In-yer-face  angst does not equal depth

Though as Sigmund Freud put it, "sex is everything!" Even the praising saints and poets yearn to be ravished by God wooing humanity unto Rapture! Yes, God's story is also a Romance. And where once they sought to share narcotic communion, one day soon they'll only want to jack into the Net!

Why, even a real boy like Pinocchio, yearning for his Blue Fairy, may instead become beguiled and exploited by Dracula's daughter or even the pedophile Coyote spirit of traditional Native American cautionary fables! Or, more prosaically, in the course of growing up, any ordinary person might, likewise, simply become drawn, by a crush of any sort, to relate to anyone else more human, imperfect and complicated.

Indeed, at the risk of seeming unduly Freudian, with all those big eyed bashful peek-a-boo, cuddly bump and tickle, what, exactly, is 'Teletubbies' but the most blatant and puerile porno for toddlers?! Brilliant in it's simplicity. Or has some narrative subtlety eluded me, here?

Kidding aside, 'Teletubbies', targeted at the youngest viewing audience ever in the history of television, is age appropriately educationally effective, precisely because preverbal tots do respond. Indeed, the key in writing to any younger audience or any other tender sensibility, is never expurgation but simply toning it down one way or another. 

And the point of truth in jest remains, that the appeal of 'Teletubbies' includes such contact and expression that is only arbitrarily distinguished and divorced from that which may be deemed sexual foreplay, indeed such that Freud might well classify as Infant Sexuality, and without which babies are well known to actually and literally die from neglect and loneliness. 

Sex, as it is so often said, is natural. And that becomes the rationale for pandering, even if in the guise of affirmation and validation, propaganda outright. However, the begged question remains. Indeed, as is often asked, is sex necessary? - And, distinct from just life generally,  in works of culture, specifically...

No, of course not.

After all, there are videos of yarn to fascinate house cats! (For cats, as everybody knows, though some are quite affectionate, can often be of that particularly self sufficient temperament all their own.)

Indeed, any work bowdlerized and eviscerated becomes flaccid and desiccated, as stilted and inhuman as any moving lure for dumb animals. Believable and appealing characters, however "settled", must be motivated and behave and talk according to their relationships and sexroles of whatever milieu appropriate to the setting, even in the most cerebral of stories. 

Even eschewing anything remotely explicit or graphic, the red hot purple passion prose, no matter how tame or "child safe", in capable fiction sexuality of some kind still manifests itself. For the key in writing to any younger audience or any other tender sensibility, is never actually expurgation, but simply toning it down or transposition somehow, but seldom in truly eliminating every trace of sex. 

A story that isn't at all racy may only omit overt sexuality and strong undercurrents, not sexuality at all, which is an aspect of human nature, characterization, relationship and milieu, setting. After all, as the Good Book says, "the child is father to the man".

Certainly, all manner of sexual clichés provide more than just the warning against tired prose, but also an insight into universal motivations, key to more than just passionate sex scenes as a writing exercise.

Sexual response is both innate and cultivated. Sex elicits affect and entails context. Sex, from furtive eye contact up to the exchange of bodily fluids and every surrounding ritual, is imbued with meaning and values by civilization, personal associations by the individual, and biological imperatives by evolution. 

Sex, as it is so often said, is natural. And that becomes the rationale for pandering, even if the most obsequious flattery in the guise of affirmation and validation, and propaganda outright.  Emotional appeals or motivation, to the heart, passions, gut feelings, also include loaded or slanted emotional appeal employing language that is calculated to get a particular reaction from readers, or even out and out sob stories and soppy sentimental tearjerkers, even to be rated by the number of hankies needed! manipulating readers' emotions in order to lead them to draw however unjustified conclusions.

But certainly, there are, always, of course, if not drama per se, then loftier social or entirely artistic aims in any subject matter, delicate or indelicate. And then again, for writers no less than their characters, there are often such barriers to over come as self-consciousness, even sheer anhedonic moralism and squeamishness outright.

Stories are made memorable not merely in whatever empathy or curiosity merely as to the plot situation, but because of the reader or audience relationship, actual motivated feelings elicited for or even against the characters. And any motivation may do!

"genres that are most popular tend to offer magical resolutions to irreconcilable social problems and tensions."

 

-The utopian fantasy of Deep Throat  

But, please GHOD not just the belabored bludgeoning obsessions of the writer! Only tiresome zealots need to be pandered to and stoked upon every single point of dogmatic ideology. Of course, the most truly destructive is manipulative dishonest propaganda pandering to hypocrisy. But if POV will not be thoughtful and literate, then, at least let us have good trash, pandering if we must, self indulgence of the reader, not the writer, grabbing the readers, not beating them over the head. Remember to evoke the senses, show don't tell action that actually advances the plot. And building the tension of every Technique of Suspense plotting, even in vicarious pandering, depends upon pacing.

Because, to follow another old saying, capable writing still reveals something about human nature. Even sheer vicarious pandering in it's appeal to the universal fantasies of the audience. While bad writing tells everything about the author. Particularly when it comes to such awkward self indulgence that only displays whatever especially obsessive proverbial "axe to grind", personal preoccupation, attachment or morbid fixation, prurient or otherwise, to the exclusion of all else.

Prolong the Agony by making life difficult so as to motivate characters. Don't be nice to your character! No Powderpuff Pitty-Pat! Even pander to vicarious wish fulfillment, but also inspire pathos, anticipation, every Technique of Suspense plotting even dread and even the discomfort of sheer aversion. Stir any range of emotions and force the reader to empathize, to feel. That's what makes for good entertainment, a real page turner.

And so, leave us not forget error checking, but learn a lesson in writing about sex, from the euphemistically symbolic to the clinically explicit, even the descriptive vocabulary and naming of body parts! from the past winners of The Literary Review's Bad Sex Award bestowed upon the most pretentious, tasteless, embarrassing, otiose, self-infatuated or redundant description of the sexual act published during the past year.

nevertheless, perhaps the most debilitating of all fetish to fiction writing remains the overwhelming and unthinking compulsion to censor or to Bowdlerize. Again, of necessity, the key in writing "child safe" to any younger audience or to any other tender sensibility, is never true and utter expurgation, but simply in toning down anything even remotely explicit, skirting the central question by mere tender suggestion, leaving characterization, motivation and drama intact.

‘Anyone who attempts to render sexual experience directly must face the fact that the writings which comprise it are ludicrous without their subjective content.’ [If not somewhat clinical.]

 

-Elizabeth Benedict, Joy of Writing Sex

Q. What is tension?

A. Tension,  every Technique of Suspense plotting, anticipation, clues and doubt as to the outcome, hence pathos and, leave us face it, discomfort and aversion, may arise even from mystery, onstage sex appeal, the unknown, opportunity and/or threat, conflict many levels with an obstacle, events unfolding or outcome in any way in doubt. Tension is stress, and the innate or conditioned emotional, neurochemical and physiological preparative change or stress response to challenge, stimuli or stressors may be either distress and dread as to threat and emergency or eustress, the euphoric stress of pleasant anticipation, even sexual tension or the demands of pleasant activities in general, creativity, power and opportunity.

Even humor or comic relief depends upon tension from an insecurity brought to a resolution called the punch line, that may be either surprising or else even obvious and anticipated, just so long as the tension builds and then crests. Teasing, well meaning or otherwise, also cultivates and builds stress, tension. So does flirtation, but likewise manipulation, rejection or indifference and harassment or threat. Tension, stress, can be either distress or eustress.

Every plotting Technique of building Suspense depends upon pacing, and for greater tension, show don't tell, and never throw the emotional circuit breaker. By every Technique of Suspense plotting, the rising tension and of dramatic conflict signifies that the resolution of whatever the central problem is such as to increasingly press character(s) inevitably to take action in struggle with whoever or whatever the antagonist in some way that must one way or another bring the very values of said character(s) into question for them.

  Matt Ridley:

•nature via nurture

The kinky fairy tale of Stockholm Syndrome

Alas, there are always those so tragically hardcore and deeply disturbed, genuinely masochistic and anhedonic, that only real danger and self destruction remain acceptable and licit. Otherwise, thankfully, just as roller coasters and other popular "barf-rides" harmlessly simulate the thrill of a nearly averted vehicular disaster, classic fairy tale ravishment, bondage and captivity fantasies and erotic role-play can safely liberate into fantasy and teasing sexual foreplay all the classic drama or shameless melodrama, as the case may be, forbidden thrill and every other Technique of Suspense plotting, of hope toyed with, of the captive struggling seductively to win whatever small kindness of the threatening captor or attacker and survive, and all manner of desperate desire to be expressed, received and fulfilled in an all to blatant and obvious paradoxical intention of "Reverse Psychology."

(Oh, don't tease me, please me!)