voice over: "I'll never
forget our first meeting."
Fade in: On the streets of Morocco, Pendragon finds himself snatched into a
dark alleyway by a tall and mysterious
figure in full burqa, who with crimson
manicured index finger to unseen lips,
shushes Pendragon and then points,
drawing his attention to an angry mob in
hot pursuit, demanding their money back!
Pendragon inverts his empty pockets in some
consternation! There is only lint. The woman quickly throws off her
stifling burqa by sprouting and then retracting
gigantic leathery black bat wings, revealing
herself as none other than Vampirella, in her
signature scanty attire and classic calf high
heeled black leather boots. Pendragon is duly
impressed with Vampirella's dramatic entrance.
Meanwhile, from his place of
concealment, Dracula reaches out with
his mind in order to cloud and confuse
Vampirella's sense of direction, as,
together, Pendragon and Vampirella flee
through the passages and alleyways, only
to find themselves back on the street,
cornered by the angry mob. Vampirella
whispers to Pendragon, who reacts in
astonishment, producing his telescoping
magic wand and announcing: "And for my
grand finale, I shall transform my
lovely assistant into a bat!
Abracadabra!" Vampirella makes good on
Pendragon's promise by transforming into
a bat! Pendragon discretely observes how
the bat's fur obscures a tiny red thong
and straps, while Vampirella's stilleto
boots are replaced by tiny
back-spiked leather leggings over the
bat's talons. The bat then transforms
back into Vampirella, posing with a
flourish. Passersby throw coins! The
mob, amazed, is satisfied and disperses.
Only Dracula, observing from the
shadows, is clearly disappointed.
Montage of Pendragon and Vampirella
travelling around the world and doing their
magic show in seedy clubs and bars throughout
Rumania, even movie and supermarket
openings. -anything they can find in
order get by.
Finally Pendragon and Vampirella
make their way to Transylvania, where the scene
gets really strange!
SIGOR ADAM Van HELSING
occluding their act in a
particularly seedy strip
joint, much to his chagrin, Pendragon
observes Vampirella at her most adaptive and
chameleonic. Adam looks on as Vampirella at her raunchiest,
imitating the strippers she see performing, pole
dances for Uncle
Creepy and Cousin Erie making a cameo appearance
in the front row. Pendragon delicately
congratulates Vampirella as such a quick study,
and offers Vampirella a different curriculum
which he promises them will help open doors for
their act. Pendragon summarily tutors Vampirella
in the deportment and decorum of a proper and
refined young lady, instantly and utterly
transforming Vampirella now supremely poised
like a supermodel, even in her own bare
proceeds back stage. Vampirella follows,
Zoom out from a
display of theatrical posters outside a
dressing room with a big yellow star.
The posters warn and promise: "It'll
be the audience that will need
stands over Tiffany,
fitfully, grinding her
hips. Vampirella pulls
back the blankets,
finding a wet spot.
Vampirella then bends
forwards to inhale the
fresh acrid ripeness,
muttering: "I am not a
succubus, I am not a
succubus, I am not a
succubus. Why do you
call to me? You do not
define me, you
stirs dreamily, daintily proffering
a little bouquet: "I am a fragile
flower! You are my honey bee! Drink
deeply of my nectar!" "Don't mind if
I do, replies Vampirella, extending
her tongue for the pollen. "Now get
dressed. Mustn't tarry. You sent for
a priest!" Dutifully, Tiffany rises
and slips into a dressing gown.
commando in distressed denim
see that my bonds are all secure. Go on.
Oh no, I'm helpless! What would you have
of me, Father! Don't be shy. And watch
closely. Do not allow yourself to be
distracted. It's all about misdirection.
I am my own lovely assistant!
bonds can hold me. Did you see how I did
that? No? You were staring right at
me! You're blushing. How adorable!
Do you like my perfume? And yes Father,
thank you, I am the very whore of
Babylon. At least on stage."
for a deep breath: "It has to do
with why it has been so long since my
last confessional." "What now, were you
bitten by nuns as a child?" "Closer than
you think, Father: It was my time of
month." "Free-bleeding, of course?" "In
my purest white gown, crotchless to
splatter the sidewalk." "Oh good, I will
always know how to find you!" "Then I
turn the water into wine, overcoming the
world in death defiance, rising new Baptized
from the Hudini water tank torture. My congregation is never
ruptured quite the same twice.
Slut power! It never gets dull."
"How Avant-Garde. You're so sharp. But
you think with your twat!" "And I do my
best thinking bellow the belt." "Still,
you must know that you are playing with
fire." "Yes, I do all that too: Pyromania.
Fire walking. Fire eating. Glass
blowing. Stay and
watch, Father! Say that you will."
"But don't things
ever get out of hand?"
"Truth to tell, an artiste willing to
take risks of audience participation, is not always well received
by her public." "Indeed?"
been scared shitless!
"Which brings us to my
confession: I was
beginning my escape act, when a gang of
really tough nuns charged the stage, and
forced me into a pair of granny
bloomers, just reeking of the most itchy
and toxic of rancid fabric softeners,
even as I was being hoisted up into the
and chained up. I tumbled into the water
tank, hit my head, panicked and nearly
drowned. They had to break me out with a
sledgehammer! The old harpy laughed her
head off. So I slipped my bonds and
shoved those disgusting bloomers, still
drenched from the tank, right down her
throat! She nearly died. I had to
resuscitate her. -Mouth to her mouth
full of rotting teeth! Out cold, yet she
was smiling! The authorities took a dim
view, and I've been on the run ever
since. That's how I finally ended up
here touring Transylvania."
Adam regard a woman tied up in a chair.
"Perhaps we distract your understudy?"
muses Adam. "You are not
even trying!" complains Tiffany,
straddling the understudy's lap. A knock
at the door interrupts: "You're
on in ten, Miss Tiffany."
Moments later, out on stage,
Pendragon concludes with his lovely
assistant Vampirella making her
entrance transforming into a bat, and
back again. Pendragon takes
the microphone: "Now what I know
we've all been waiting for, give a
big round of applause for..."
Pendragon blanks out, and so, all
bubbly and effervescent, Tiffany
bounds on stage effervescently
announcing herself: "Tiffany,
your very own bondage bunny!"
"Everyone should have a bondage
bunny all of their very own!" adlibs
As she is is
bound, stripped and cavity searched by
volunteers ushered up on stage from the
audience, Tiffany flatters them in heavy
breath: "My, what a lovely charming
audience! You're all so attractive. Do I
even want to escape?"
They all help in application of the
restraints and inspection of Tiffany's
bonds. They search her intimately for
or other tools. Every inch and orifice
is probed, packed and locked locked
tight. Tiffany bound, crowd surfs out
through the auditorium, for all to
inspect close up. The crowd becomes
frenzied! As Tiffany, tightly bound, all
heaving bosoms, batting her eyes, is
brought before him for inspection, Adam
crosses his legs uncomfortably, his
hands shaking. As Tiffany is returned on
stage, Pendragon steps forward to pull
the leaver once, hoisting Tiffany,
suspended by massive chain from a
wrought iron chandelier, up into the
air, and then releasing, dropping
Tiffany into the full emersion of the
water tank torture. The audience gasps!
The audience shouts, as Tiffany,
plunging into the tank, disturbs a
gigantic water snake, LEONG NAJA,
sleeping at the bottom of the tank!
in heavy bondage, bracing against the
sides, is now immersed up to her buoyant
breasts in a glass tank outfitted as a
whirlpool bath, spits out her ball gag
and sings forth an operetta in ravishing
ecstasy, as the orchestra swells behind
With her legs
spread open and her hips thrashing to
the rhythm of her song, Tiffany employs
the strategically positioned water jets
to work loose the vibrators strapped in
front and back, lazily tumbling and
drifting to the bottom of the tank. As
Tiffany concludes, and the water jets
stop, you could hear pin drop!
There isn't a dry eye in the house! In
the audience, Adam van Helsing returns
to his seat by his squire, the nun
Discreetly in a dim back corner, the
Rubber Dolls, masked nuns in head
to toe latex! congregate. One of then
sheds a single tear of blood! Another
quickly and discretely wipes it away
with a lace handkerchief. As the
performance concludes, to standing
ovation. All the while, the whirlpool
rises higher, filling the tank
completely, leaving Tiffany weighted
down by her chains and completely
Adam watches in amazement as Tiffany
diving down into the tank, contorts her
supple body, escaping her bonds, one by
one, even engaging in aquatic dance with
Leong Naja. Abriel, scowling, bumps a
fist under Adam's chin, shutting his
Freeing herself, Tiffany gracefully
swims up for air. But suddenly the
surface ignites! With the heat,
brightness and hypoxia, Tiffany
experiences visions of Vampirella
swimming with sharks and mermaids! But
coming back to herself, Tiffany dives
down again, reaching for one of the
vibrators. It has a trigger handle. It
is really a pistol. Taking up the gun,
Tiffany covers one ear with her free
hand, and presses the other down on her
shoulder. Taking aim at the glass as
Leong Naja coils and braces for the
report, Tiffany pulls the trigger, again
and again, clicking on empty, until
finally, a shot rings out, shattering
the glass, releasing the water, and
Tiffany falls to the floor, gasping,
lets out a glass shattering high note,
shattering a sniperscope! For it was the
snipers rifle, that finally shattered
the glass. Vampirella leaps down from
the rafters, to join Pendragon in
attending to Tiffany, but then she spies
a fleeing figure, and gives chase. It is
Penelope, a young girl, laughing
merrily. Tiffany struggling to her feet,
casts about for Vampirella. But
Vampirella is off in hot pursuit of the
"The assassin gave up their shot at
their target..." observes Adam. "Vampirella?"
interjects Abriel. "- in order to spare
Tiffany." "Love sick, angry and
invisible" muses Abriel. "The assassin?"
"Yes." replies Abrial, flat and sullen.
Meanwhile, giving Vampirella the slip,
Penny finds herself confronted by none
Count Dracula! "You sabotaged the
performance and forced me to waste my
shot!" "Saving sweet Tiffany, a waste?"
rejoinders Dracula, "Not to you, Penny."
"Spiderella!" she corrects him. "Spiderella,
have patience." commands Dracula. "The
fun is yet to begin. I have greater
plans for your mother. You know that I
always do." She smiles, forgiving.
"Return to the Whispering Castle, my
child" commands Dracula "wait
for your mother."
Flash forward: A sleek and
naked catgirl, treading lithely
silent on the ornate tiles, watches quietly as
their master Amfortas
sleeps fitfully, dreaming of a bat
on the wing under the moon...o
In the royal bedchamber, a
pretty little chambermaid sits
weary and disheveled, blasé yet
pensive with worry, rubbing her
feet, and reflecting upon her
service of the day.
watches quietly as rwo girls from the livery
slip stealthily into their
tumescent master's bed, in order
to fellate him in his sleep. Their master Amfortas
lies fitfully, dreaming of a bat
on the wing under the moon....
other catgirls are more frisky
and in need of attention, yet
wary of the baths.
Meanwhile the bat is hunted by an
owl. The bat escapes only by soaring down to the
ground, landing, and much to the astonishment of
the owl, shapeshifting into the form of a woman,
Vamprella! The owl wheels about. and flies off
Suddenly, in the harem of the
Fisher king, a rock from outside
breaks the window glass, the
noise awakening the King from
his dark dreams and fitful
makes her way towards the castle looming
in the distance.++
In the dead of
night, Vampirella darts through the forest,
easily evading the
massing cultists, hooded, robed and chanting in
deep wet arcane slurping and gurgling syllables.
Stopping momentarily to crouch in the castle graveyard, Vampirella makes ready to move
in upon the castle heavily guarded to keep the
cultists at bay. Crouching there, Vampirella
finds herself distracted by, of all things under
the moonlit sky, the tickling blades of grass
brushing ever so lightly against the pale,
smooth and bare skin of her perfect thighs..
However they are not living blades of grass, but
feeble bony fingers straining and sprouting up
through the grave soil, imploring Vampirella:
Redeemer! Save us! What macabre yet poignant fantasy, muses
Vampirella, the reality of it never quite
reaching the corner of her eye.
Then, stealthily like a shadow, Vampirella glides through
the graveyard and past
the check point where the worn and decrepit
seeming old guard is munching on a
mutton lettuce and tomato sandwich and watching
TV.It is the
scene from 'The Princess Bride' with the
famous line: "Have fun storming the castle!"
Stealthily, Vampirella breaches the castle's
heavy defenses in the dead of night, making
short work of the mercenary guards she
encounters on the castle grounds.
"Do they still
imagine they can detain
me? Why bother keeping me naked?" ponders Tiffany.
"They've all seen my
Nothing up mu sleeve!
bored. I wonder if I can provoke another cavity search?
"Or should I wait for Aunt Flow?"
"All remains quiet,
serine and routine, the calm before the storm, I
am certain. And security will be lax because the
Captain of the Guard is so distracted." muses
Tiffany. "I wonder how motherhood will suite
her? Dear diary: Unable to conceive, Biker Bitch
has obtained a surrogate mother, Esmeralda, of
whom she has become ever more obsessively
possessive as the pregnancy advances. But Biker
Bitch is fickle, and this cannot end well."
"A gilded cage is still a cage..."
world awaits without!"
Meanwhile, as if
sensing his moment at hand, from atop his
castle, Amfortas now wakened and sharply dressed, awaits, pensively surveying his
domain from the balcony of the Royal Bedchambers
of the Whispering Castle. What can be in his
regal thoughts in a moment so redolent in
"Hot Bi babes into bondage and domination...
Ooh, corrective rape! My favorite. When I
discover sinful lesbians going at it, writhing
in unnatural passion, I am simply filled with
moral indignation, and compelled to intervene.
The key to overcoming the temptations of Sapphic
turpitude is easy transition: Just imagine the
flavor of my hot cum out from her smelly wet
twat. I've taste tested it myself. Noe if, for
example, you were to eagerly suck my throbbing
dick while it just happened to be pounding away
inside her filthy quivering plotz, well then,
who could criticize?"
Back inside the sumptuous royal bedchamber
suite, Amphortas, eagerly awaited, well acquits
himself in charismatic unflagging confidence and
And yet Tiffany the
Bondage Bunny, biding her time, remains ever the center of
action of the
is intercut with a flash forward,
wherein informative commentary is provided by
two cloaked figures, speaking animatedly in the
same feminine voice. Between the they bring a
laptop computer for frame by frame
recapitulation of the surveillance footage, and
a pair of stiletto high heeled sandals which
they take turns wearing in order to follow in Vampiella's foot print debits in the lawn, while
the other helps to steady the one wearing them,
all in order to retrace Vampirella's fighting
moves. Getting a birds eye view is Itsy, hanging
by her knees upside down from a tree branch
(like Vampirella herself, in the teaser), all
giddy, shouting and clapping for joy and
consequently dropping a glove, thrilling
to the adventures of her heroine.
Vampirella's hand-to-hand combat style, the Drakulon Mantis Cha-Cha, is a modified Northern
Praying Mantis Fist, characterized by a
continuous whip-quick circular parry-strike, defense flowing into precise
hook like follow-up attacks on the return sweep, adapting also the Cha-Cha-Cha
dance steps for foot work and movement in very high heels,
characterized by shifting hips on alternately
weighted legs, and maintaining its offbeat
rhythm by warding off the opponent in order to
force them into a first half step, and thence position
out of balance and vulnerable to attack.
Vampirella's martial strategy thereby, even
leaping fair distances at astonishing quickness,
is first to continually disperse her assailant,
in order then to close in and pick off each
individual opponent in turn, in one to one
mêlée employing Vamirella's natural attack, a
bat like embrace allowing the prey to struggle
and turn, facilitating debilitating fresh
crushing damage in different positions, front,
back and side; full body wrestling holds,
powerful bare arms and legs, flowing
one into the next. Pulling back by the scalp
hair, Vampirella then closes, ruby
lips towards the carotid artery at the neck. But Vampirella withholds the final killing bite.
-somewhat to the perceptible disappointment of
one of her attackers, and in turn to the
irritation of his comrades!
Meanwhile outside, the next wave of
the castle's defenders employs the MimicMan
TM, a sort of
minimalist exoframe. MimicMan
TM is constructed
simply from PVC pipe or even Kevlar, a
jointed stick figure of the human body, strapped
on at belt, neck and shoulders, knees, elbows wrists,
ankle and foot
brace. The jointed rods of MimicMan
are worn over the chest or the over the back,
arms and legs to the front back or sides, with
modular armor plates and guards for hand to hand
With a modular powered option, human strength
can be enhanced. Engaging the ratchet function
for the joints, MimicMan
saves energy and stamina for the mercenary
guards stealthily free climbing into action.
Others speed into battle in recumbent vehicle
Others still, soar into action with modular
attached fan powered ultralight aircraft
systems. -All offering Vampirella at all greater
Scorpion Kung Fu moves are
predictable for Vampirella, who
easily sets him up for for a
surprise left handed boxing jab,
followed by a direct right handed
karate blow to the chin, rendering
him slack and unconscious. But
instead of falling, his MimicMan
exoframe actually keeps
"Glass jaw!" mutters one of his
comrades to the others...
Vampirella still overcomes them, actually
throwing ground troops into the air to bring
down the low flying aerial troops.
One of the mercenaries, very cocky and macho in
demeanor, and sporting one of those tacky dried
scorpion in plastic neck chains, steps forward
attempting to match Vampirella's fighting style.
Meanwhile, as the alarm
continues to sound,
the grumbling old guard at the gate straps on his
grabs and cocks a
shotgun, and hurries off in response.
But Vampirella, in mounting suspicion, readily
disarms and begins to interrogate the
bumbling old guard as he arrives:
Why is no one shooting
at her? Why do they so badly want her alive? For
what are they stalling so? But the old guard is
clueless and time is short. Vampirella then takes
up but then casts aside, the guard's revolver.
She then frisks him and finds no less than two
back up pistols, one in each of his boots.
guard comes for Tiffany.
But to no
"I have neglected
you of late, Tiffany" apologizes Biker
Bitch. "Don't let me keep you from the joys
of motherhood." parries Tiffany. "Oh, that.
What was I thinking?" muses Biker Bitch.
"Where is Esmeralda?" demands Tiffany.
"Delectable Esmeralda is well tended to, do rest
assured, sweet Tiffany, bondage bunny. Perhaps
if you are very good, or if you are very,
very bad, I might send you to check in on her
small talk: Time to make you
pretty for our honored guest, my tempting little minx:
No perfume can be more sophisticated than the
intoxicating glow of your own musk, with no
accent more enticing than
fresh blood and flowing tears. Don't you agree?
bitch! You mock me with everything I can never
Even gazing down at
Vampirella from the battlements, fails to
distract Tiffany from those hateful panties
growing ever more dank and clammy. Surely the
most dire constraint, worst torment of all, yet
devised by her captors! "Don't get too
comfortable." she is taunted. "I gotta
pee!" begs Tiffany. "Later" comes the reply.
Adam and Abrial arrive on the castle grounds.
They find one of the fallen castle defenders,
ascertaining that he is merely unconscious.
- Abrial perceives Adam taking an interest in the MimicMan
exoframe worn by unconscious warrior, and
helps Adam remove it for himself to try out.
Adam then advances upon Vampirella with blood in
his eye, no quarter asked and none to be given.
Vampirella finds herself hard pressed, and takes
fright when Abirial tosses Adam a sharpened
reinforcements amass about her and close in,
Vampirella, finding fingers sticky with blood,
pauses to lick them clean.
And then, her voice
whetted, Vampirella lets loose
a piercing sonar shriek, calling up and setting
loose s swarm of bats upon them.
With the castle
defenders thus occupied, Vampirella takes up and
cocks the security guard's shotgun, but on
second thought chooses the pistols.
- Then, to the
astonishment of Amfortas watching on his video
monitors, Vampirella shoots out the
surveillance cameras with deadly accuracy while
sprinting towards the battlements! A shout rings out in the night air:
There's a nearly naked woman sprinting towards the
"If they are actually expecting my break in,"
muses Vampirella "then perhaps they'll fly a
flag on the entrance and put out the welcome
mat." And no sooner said, than an answer to the
previous shout rings out in the night: "Yes,
another one strung up from the battlement!" It
is Tiffany, giddy with anticipation of Vampirella's approach.
Vampirella does seem momentarily taken aback
observing as, in a demonstration of the most
limber and hurried contortion, Tiffany at long
last shimmies free from those horrid panties blowing away in the
soothing cool breeze.
other pairs of eyes, all the truest cat green,
also bear witness, all from high atop the battlement.
all share a pair of night vision binoculars
(yes, even the cat!), and
the same amazement at the high heat radiating
from between Tiffany's shapely legs!
"Pussy's gotta breath, right?"
sister, that we must squander these luscious moments
for changing into something less comfortable in
order to greet our esteemed
- Seemingly winged
heeled, Vampirella veritably springs upon the balls of he feet,
the very toe points of
those elegant stiletto go-go boots!
- Meeting no further resistance, Vampirella
quickly gains entrance by scaling the
vine covered battlements, to ascending the stairway
Vampirella is bemused to find herself
watched curiously, by the housemaids,
scurrying about their business as quick
and quite as cats!
In the enclosed garden
courtyard atop the tower, Tiffany strikes a
dramatic pose awaiting Vampirella. But Tiffany
hesitates tongue tied, as Vampirella finds
herself confronted by exotic identical twin
martial artists with unique identical tiger
scratch tattoos on their shoulders. The tatoos have
been imperfectly removed by laser surgery, so that they only
manifest when their hearts race and their skins flush.
- as Vampirella's keen senses reveal to her...
But as formidable as they seem, instead of
impeding her progress into the Whispering
Castle, first bowing respectfully, they only
move to block any possible
retreat and escape.
the watchers of Vampirella's ascent of
the tower, they are also figures in the flash forward,
analyzing Vampirella's fighting style!
"I wanted to apologize
for not waiting!" utters Tiffany, feebly. But
Vampirella is gone. Next,
advancing into the gloom, Vampirella finds the
stairway behind her barred by an awaiting
succubus, surly and malignant in demeanor,
crouching to conceal a small spider tattoo about
Meanwhile Tiffany finds herself summarily recaptured by the
Tiger Twins, chuckling indulgently at Tiffany's
timidity and frustration!
"You rock those
fantastic boots with such authority!"
declares Tiffany, beaming with her most
wining smile. "Take them, we insist!"
reply the Tiger Twins, in unison, pulling of
their matching boots for Tiffany to try on as
the Tiger twins rub one another's aching feet.
with all retreat barred, Vampirella
remain intent upon the dangers before
- Up half a
flight from the lovely interior
courtyard, Vampirella finds
the top of a grand and elegant stairwell
at the core of the massive castle tower.
The chandelier is fashioned from two tree trunks
from the forest outside, bolted end to end
so that the roots
of one strain to touch the ceiling,
while those of the other fan out to
long descending stairwell beneath.
French maid stands before Vampirella
with an engraved invitation on a silver
platter, ushering Vampirella into the
quarters of their little princess, Itsy.
Everywhere throughout the castle, Vamparella finds tasteful arrangements
of exquisite brass urns in different
sizes. In the lovely dim light,
Vampirella beholds a beam of moonlight
reflecting from the urns, leading her
ever downward within the tower
<meanwhile, Tiffany having changed outfits and wigs,
and hiding in plain sight atop a precarious
rickety old ladder, fastidiously tightens a flickering light, as Vampirella is ushered away.
The squeaking of
a mouse, inside the light fixture, then
scurrying away across the grand chandelier,
does not escape Vampirella's keen senses.
The chandelier hangs from a massive chain,
all the way up into a copula at the top of
Testing the strength of the
chandelier, Tiffany begins climbing.
is startled when she disturbs a horrid
nest of huge rabid rats. Tiffany, startled,
loses bladder control as one of the rats,
chewing into the electrical wires, creates a
deadly short circuit, the electrical shock
then conducted by the wetness of the urine.
her grip, tumbles into a free fall, into the waiting arms
and custody of the Tiger Twins. Tiffany is stark
naked, her clothing having gotten caught on
the way down through the great chandelier.
pretty neck of the French maid
chimes a cowbell, and she positively
exudes a certain hormonal glow, packed
into her little dress, round and
curvaceous. The hem of her décolletage
is distantly moistened. Vampirella
detects a lingering dairy odor. "Isn't
our little princess a bit old for a wet
nurse?" wonders Vampirella. "Oh, don't
be so... [beat]" giggles one another
maid at the coffee service.
intolerant!" finishes yet another,
uproariously, with a smile and a wink.
They too sport identical cowbells.
finally follows suit, just to be polite.
similar to blood, nutritionally speaking,
right?" observes one milk maid to the other,
who replies: "Hey, we could all be like the
Brides of Dracula!" "Now I've really lost
my apatite!" grumbles Vampirella,
star struck, barely contains herself from
just gushing as she approaches Vamirella! "I ran away from boarding
school. I didn't last there very long. So,
there I was, all so full of myself, that I was
on my way to take up orders with the Leather
Nuns, excuse me: the Order of the Magdalanes
Sisters of No Mercy, but I only ran away
back home again. Fathers is angry, but I am
glad. I would not miss your visit for all
the world!" "I am honored and charmed,
Highness." "Itsy, please!" "Itsy. Some
matter of delicacy at the boarding school,
"I think that exhibitionism is simply
misunderstood" opines Itsy. "Never apologize: What one must, one
must!" prompts Vampirella, offhandedly. "Because
our priest withdraws, may I make my
confession to you? I have been reminissing. I'm a little
embarrassed to admit to you that I was
imitating one of the older girls, my bestest
friend for life. She snuck out past curfew one day,
to go shopping for a little black party
dress and a new do.
then at the Asian spa, they beguiled her
into a full body wax,
which was just terribly naughty, and so she
just had to show someone! It was our little
secret. Of this she was emphatic!" "We
all love to share little secrets."
"Oh, we had good reason. The gesture of
protest might have been frowned upon."
"But its only
hygiene!" objects Vamiprella. "Maybe
for heathen suicide bombers, but not in Christendom."
blurts out Itsy: "Or so we were
taught in virtue education. They actually
tried to sell us on chastity belts in lieu of
anything more more drastic.
"But that only
generated business for the locksmith. And so,
ever determined and inventive, they
modified the design towards character building.
And we all discovered new wellsprings of
contrition and devotion."
I was little and first arrived at
the convent school, there was that scary
dark nun from North Africa. But she wasn't
really so bad, or so I am told, and I knew they wouldn't let
her really hurt me. When I got older they compromised:
only wanted to scare me, and
that they did! Then they called me hysterical and sew me shut with
pretty laces! I could barely pee. But a
voice inside bade me calm, and they were
Then one day the stitching came
out. And life was complicated. All the same,
I wanted to show everyone."
"Join me for a soak?
Do say yes!" insists Itsy, gesturing to into another
larger alcove, a vast and sumptuous royal
bath. "You go ahead without me." Itsy
sulks. "I like to watch." adds Vampirella,
judiciously. Itsy brightens up again.
Vampirella attends as Itsy continues:
bestest friend for life, kept a small
squid or an octopus, I'm not
sure, you know..." "For a
woman's intimate..." "Right.
And I thought she was so
wicked, sophisticated and
daring. But one night they
quarreled over something
stupid, the way..." "Close
"Exactly. And I was just
being nice, because he was
so dejected. I didn't mean
anything by it. How could
he... ?" "He was no more
angry than a dog humping
your leg. The cephalopod are
highly sensitive and
"The future is wild: The Octopussoir are destined to come ashore
and take to the trees,
but they are not ready yet, and nor
are your kind. The Dark One, dead
but dreaming, who covets the rule
over all eight limbed beings, sends
forth his deranged cultists to
instigate an invading frenzy. But we
are getting ahead of ourselves,
continues: "Well, eventually he calmed
down, and decided to come back out from
my tummy. Dropped right out from my cute
little pleated tartan miniskirt, just in
the middle of geography class! So much
for whatever was left of my reputation
by then. Those critters really
can squish themselves up into small
spaces. No bones. I knew where he might
hide next. So my friend begged me never
to tell. That nasty old headmistress
thought any of the rest of us might
know, so she caned us all for good
measure. But I kept the secret as I
promised." "And the squid?" "The cat got'm! The one who likes to sit on my
chest while I sleep, and sniff in while
I snore out. Well, pussy's gotta breath, as they
- "To bad about
that." consoles Vampirella. "Oh no," deflects
Itsy. "I am well consoled." Itsy merrily
presents herself, revealing her indweller: "I
wondered what he might have up to up there
inside of me. But then some days after he -she?-
popped out again, I felt the squirming. Then it
seemed like all the little points in motion where
cliquing into one larger mass." "They where not ready
to fend for themselves, and you just aren't built
for their nurture." explains Vampirella. "So they began
devouring one another. The strongest one
survives." "Well, true as it may be
that I am naughty and never learn my lessons,
and yet if that awful North
African nun ever wants to come and finish the
job, she'll find a guard posted!" " "I
do hope that
works out." replies Vampirella.
They are interrupted by
tittering laughter. "Oh, shoo!" commands Itsy.
It is the catgirl from the bedchamber of Amfortas, now clothed as a maid, then joined by another. "Werecats?"
Vampirella puzzles out loud. The catgirl maids
stands about, clearly taken
with Vampirella. They shyly join their hands
into the shape of a heart. A petite Asian maid,
grins sweetly in concordance with the sentiment. Vampirella recognizes her from
downtown, skirts blown up and then spirited away
up into the sky!
But then the housekeeping
supervisor arrives to shoo them off,
and Vamperirella finds herself eying the woman
suspiciously. She seems somehow out of place. "I've
never been less comfortable more warmly received!" muses Vampirella"
"Not you!" barks the housekeeping supervisor, at
one of the departing more human housemaids. A
pool of slime has gathered on the floor where
Itsy revealed the indweller. "Clean that up!"
"Now you'll never get the littler minxes' back
to work!" grumbles Itsy. Indeed, they all the
more determinedly tarry and peep from hiding,
much to the wrath of the housekeeping
"Where is your master to be found?"
demands Vampirella of Butterfly. "I am not privy to
everyone's comings and goings, but I do
well know that the royal bedchambers are
just down at the end of the hall."
Taking her leave of Itsy, Vamprella's
eyes continue following the brilliant
shaft of moonbeam reflecting from one
strategically placed brass urn to the next. Down that hallway Vampirella spies two
elegant young women wandering down the hallway
is various stages of undress, one on all fours
on a leash by the other. The catgirls hiding
around the comer, can be heard tittering at
The wench smiles
assuring Vampirella: "I am unarmed, I promise"
assuming the position and adding: "Frisk me!"
Creeping through the royal bed chambers,
Vampirella finds Tiffany sleeping soundly. She had fallen
asleep, meticulously and critically reviewing
her performance in bed, on an array of top of the line video monitors.
finds the housekeeping supervisor in uniform
as captain of the guard, or
rather: out of uniform, also naked and asleep at her post in a very
comfortable looking upholstered chair.
By the giant plasma
flat screen, Vampirella discovers a movie theatre hot
popcorn dispenser, and strangely tempted by the
aroma of fresh hot butter, indulges in a quick
mouthful. But she only gets a kernel stuck on
her fang! "It's all too easy" muses Vampirella,
warily, "with not even so much any token
effort to disguise it. Have I ever just
walked into such a glaringly obvious
trap?" No sooner said, then
fetching little Butterfly
finally speaks up, genial, beguiling and coquettish, to obligingly point the way: "This way
trap. It has been set especially just for you, Mademoiselle
Vampirella. Mustn't tarry,
chop-chop." Yet another shy catgirl maid,
overhearing, fails to conceal her embarrassment
and disapproval at what Matilda regards such so blatant and vulgar
display on the part of Butterfly. Matilda is
palpably troubled with whatever lies in store
for Vampirella. Despite
himself, Amfortas, hiding behind a tapestry with
Leong Naja, suffers pangs of conscience.
- Resting less
comfortably on the cold stone floor, chained
up to the bedpost is the downcast and
humiliated chambermaid who was tasled to mop
up after Itsy's indweller, and as Vampirella
gleans from the video recapitulation, had
failed to satisfy the Lord of the Manor.
- Indeed, the
performance had been for her edification.
But wrists bound, she had been unable to
take notes. The poor thing may well have
been illiterate to begin with.
- When Vampirella
removes the timid and frightened
chambermaid's shackles, all that she can
think to do with her new found freedom is to
cower deeper into the corner. But then,
clutching her prized cameo locket, she opens
the compartment to show Vampirella. "Your
loved ones. You endure for their sake." She
nods and smiles tearfully, rising wearilly
to resume her duties...
Matilda still toying with the mouse,
watches with feral impassivity as Afortas, leaping out from behind the
tapestry, attacks the hapless housemaid
as she flees
Terrified whimpers and
followed by the crashing of crockery and
tableware, and followed in turn by grunting and
panting, the grunts and moans of carnal struggle.
Vampirella, shameful and cursing
her own cowardly hesitation, remains rooted to
the spot. For Vampirella's second sight,
reveals the depth of bestial corruption and
spiritual decay saturating the very soul of
the Fisher King, nourished by the malignant
influence pervading the Whispering Castle.
Vampirella realizes that the catgirl
Matilda has veritably leapt out of her maids
uniforms to catch the scurrying mouse and toy with it. Vampirella is
glad, because much to her own chagrin,
she herself had to restrain the same
urge. Too much time as a
bat! "Hey! That's for Renfield!"
-words blurted out of her mouth
unbidden and mysterious in meaning to
Vampirella herself.... Even thus
disoriented, Vampirella does not let on
that she can well sense Amfortas and
Leon Naja behind the tapestry. For they well know the meaning of that
unbidden utterance, so unintelligible to
And yet the
Fisher King, doubling over in distress,
can still find no release! The other
housemaids dutifully present.
But Amfortas impatiently waves them
Royal Highness needs to be punished for
such wretched and empty transgression!"
Vampirella "Yes, yes!" agrees
Amfortas, in rasping gratitude.
battered maid sits
and bears witness in contempt and
discontent. Vampirella hands her a
loaded pistol from under one of the
pillows, a pistol with which she seems
somehow well aquainted. But the Fisher King too, only
seems to be going through the motions.
And so the rough stuff escalates,
appallingly, and still no redemption or
release, but only mounting shame and
frustration for His Royal Majesty.
domestic bearing witness, lies naked
masturbating with the gun....
Watching and writhing she flashes back:
But no degree of
abuse brings satiation to either the
Fischer King or his victim. Only the
gun, cocked and loaded, first on her
lips and then jammed between
his teeth and chipping an incisor,
finally heightens tension and suspense
towards apogee: Will she pull the
trigger and set him free?
In the same
moment, at last Amfortas reaches
achieves a shattering release, and
the battered domestic passes out from her own injuries.
Bitch, emerging from the shower, vents her
agitation in martial arts practice.
emerges from the bathroom to take back the
pistol for safe keeping
Tiffany, very blond and very shapely, is now
dressed and all; done up, lightening quick, in a skimpy
little black party dress, blushing, meek
and demure, approaches Vampirella,
upper arms cuffed together
with a rod behind her back, awkwardly
proffering a fountain pen and an
As Vampirella obliges, despite the
further distraction the most exotic housemaid yet and even
more jiggly, a feminine form in
The transparent maid is no less transparent
in affect, as she shakes her head knowingly
at the rising ire of
Biker Bitch, a formidable
redhead all decd out in in a biker cap and peek-a-boo
leather dress, tightly
grasping a nasty looking riding crop.
She is fresh out of the showers, and
still there in her mind, enraged,
working up a grudge, shadow boxing wet
and naked with the gym all to herself.
Everyone knew well to steer clear.
Tiffany gushes: "Oh my gosh, it's
really you!! -I'm Tiffany, by the
way..." "Of course you are." Tiffany
whispers: "Are you crazy, Vampirella? Get the
Hell out of here!" -perceiving the
foul mood of the Captain if the Guard, then
adding: "Oh, shit...
"Oh my Captain.
my Captain! - with your cloths on and your
eyes open!" "So, interloper, you think to minister
to the needs of our sovereign. Are you
ready to challenge for that privilege?
No?" "Who writes your
dialogue? But I'll admit, it seemed
momentarily satisfying passing
judgment on such a conceited tyrant. Though in the end, it
all just leaves me somewhat hollow. A
cheap high, that can never be recaptured
after the lesson it brings in the let
down: Your master is a martyr only to
his own depravity, and finds no
absolution in any penance. He only
envies the degradation he dishes out, an
would relish my contempt. The shame and
guilt he so abundantly shares with his
sycophants, is only another jaded
thrill. And so I leave you
all to it. And may God have mercy. I did
not come here to join you. And I have
never exorcized a any house that was
haunted by the living. I don't even want
to save you." "Then leave
us to our curse! You are not needed
here. Don't take any of the windows,
you'll find that all the obvious exits
are covered. Like the décor? Plush, no?
But it's all cosmetic, honeycombed with
infestation. Bugs and field mice come
and go as they please. In the form of a
bat, only hunt your accustomed prey.
Just follow the other vermin, back into
the woodwork, and be
you possibly wondered why I didn't just
fly in here unobserved? Because where
there are mice and bats, there are owls.
-Owls awake and covering for you while
you all good off, I
surmise. But I expect the owls, like
everyone else here, are too well fed,
sleek and pampered. Perhaps just as
debauched, as well. With owls, who can
say? They keep their own council. No, never so
unnaturally debauched! I bet I could take'm,
Still, I'd only have to return here
a prospect as that may present."
if this is your one special visit, we
must strive to make it memorable. Any
trap, for that personal touch, needs the right bait.
And you're elected, Tiffany sweetie."
replies the the one Vampmpirella already
thinks of as Biker Bitch,
up the hem of Tiffany's little black
dress -Yup, Tiffany hates panty lines-
so that her ample bosoms pop out, and
summarily drawing stripes of crimson
droplets from tiffanies perfect ass with
that nasty borrowed riding crop!
- The faint
scent of the mouse dropping and glue
starch behind all of that flawless
wallpaper, now mixes with the heady
bouquet of blood and lavender.
- Screaming, and
dropping her precious autograph book, Tiffany bolts right down the gloomy stairwell. "Tiffany, wait!" calls out Vampirella.
"You've dropped your..." But then the
Tiger Twins appear, momentarily taking position
to block Vampirella's way and throw her
to the floor. "Oops! It
seems that we've been careless with our
bondage bunny." mocks Biker Bitch.
"Everyone ought to have a bondage bunny
just like our dear sweet Tiffany. Won't
you be a love and go fetch her back for
us, Vampi-sweetie?" Quick like a
shadow, Vampirella attacks! And just as
quickly, Vampirella lands on her shapely
ass, eyes wide in chagrin. First
bowing curtly, their purpose
the Tiger Twins withdraw. Tiffany is
hearty chuckle, Biker Bitch resumes, laconically: "You
are so wasted with that traveling
sideshow act, Vampi dear, that gawd
awful magic show. Why, here in
Transylvania, -did you know it?- you
actually rate groupies! Menace her or
comfort her, eat her or rescue her, or
maybe a little of each. Why, our tasty
little morsel Tiffany is definitely on
the menu, and up for anything!" laughs
Biker Bitch, malignantly.
curses Vampirella over her shoulder,
bolting down the stairwell, following the
constant and unwavering moonbeam. "And then
some!" retorts Biker Bitch,
ebulliently, after Vampirella, already
chagrinned in realizing that actually,
she rather liked the awful woman! And no sooner
is Vampirella out of her sight, ever
deeper down the stairwell ever further
into the Whispering Castle, then an
ominous faint odor curls Matilda's
sensitive nose. Matilda snarls under her breath,
nonchalantly retires to the bath chamber to freshen up.
regards the Aggressive Bidets:
Cleanliness is next to Godliness, as the
saying goes. And indeed, Butterfly,
troubled and confused finds herself
yearning to come closer to God. And so,
with a sigh, Butterfly selects one of the higher
But no sooner
having given herself over to the water jets
and probing brush, Butterfly
under lascivious attack by tentacles out
from the very bowl of the flush toilet!
Meanwhile, coiled about by the strangely cobra-cowled
and massive boa constrictor Leong Naja the Dream
Snake, Amfortas himself, the master of the castle,
barely worse for wear, operates the MimicMan
TM restricted to carefully
set range of motion, for correct movement and
stretching exercises, but finding himself too
agitated for Yoga, with too much muscle ache for
martial arts, at the suggestion of Liong Naja, Amfortas settles on practicing the
perfect golf swing.
then, an alarm sounds and an indicator
blinks. "He's gotten into the plumbing
again, Boss" grumbles Leong Naja. The
tone of the alarm tone changes, and the
blinking light shifts colors. "And
there's the Freon. That always cracks
the pipes! Alert the Royal plumbers."
"Yes Boss, beg pardon: At once, your
- Back in the master bathroom, the
tentacles recoil and retract in response
to the freezing vapors that crack the
toilet seat in two, none too soon for Butterfly,
bolting out naked from the bath
chamber. "This way to the
trap, just for you, Mademoiselle Vampirella!" Amfortas chides her,
summarily clapping her into the most
elegant little irons and chains.
"You are a very naughty Butterfly."
deep within the labyrinthine catacomb
dungeons, a young woman wearing a little
black dress in a spider web motif, the
threads ever shifting in pattern,
glittering in the unwavering moonbeam,
even so deep beneath the ground, coyly
rearranges her hair, and finally
falls away before her, because she is
actually lying back up against the
ceiling in defiance of gravity! On the
ceiling are an overlapping square and
circle in chain. Her two arms come apart
into four, as to her legs. Taking the
stance of the Vitruvian Man, she swings
down like shutter on a hinge, deftly and
lightly lowering herself into a circular
aperture showing a square window behind
it, where she makes ready to spin her
in hand to light her way, Vampirella
decends into the dank darkness.
But then Vampirella,
alert to the horrified cries of Butterfly
echoing through the Whispering Castle, makes ready to retrace her steps back up
the stairs and to her rescue.
But then, just
as suddenly, Vampirella beholds the chilling
so many nubile victims
flies in a vast
- It is a
grizzly tableau that greets Vampirella as
she arrives in the vast labyrinthine
catacomb dungeons sprawling beneath the
Whispering Castle of Amfortas, a vast
splatter of rancid carnage and poison.
Back in the Royal Bed Chambers,
Amfortas pauses when the telephone
rings, in order to reconfigure MimicMan
into a recliner and answer the
phone: "She's arrived in the
catacomb labyrinth? And all is in
readiness? Excellent." Amphortas can
hardly contain himself.
Fisher King doubles over in pent up
distress. Nothing else will do, he
still needs it rough! His captive whores,
ever obliging and quick about it,
exact their long simmering
revenge. And yet
they all hold back save for the
abused scullery maid, having taken
her lessons to heart with a biting
gusto. With an evil glint in her
eye, she sprawls breathlessly
transfixed as, spraying his
contempt, Amfortas agonized, grabs
her and raises his hand. But time is
Amfortas gathers his wits and reconfigures
TM yet again, with a Orbitron
gyroscope, for Virtual Reality interface,
leaping through the stones and gliding through
the castle in phantomlike telepresence, observing in rapt anticipation, as Vampirella
makes her way warily deep into
the castle, past ever more
arched alcoves displaying those
exquisite brass urns, straight
into his trap!
finds Tiffany's clothing ensnared and
covered in cobwebs. Only
then does Vampirella behold Tiffany, the most
terrified of all, stark naked
save for her dark stickings, stilleto
heels and opera gloves,
ever watchful, barely breathing,
straining to remain stock still,
standing at an uncomfortable
angle in order not to brush the cobwebs
in which her cloths are
entwined, and thus trigger a
signal and draw the attention of
what ever monster had spun such
vast webbing. Vamiprella
carefully makes her way across the
gigantic spider webs, towards Tiffany.
them Vampirella and Tiffany behold in
horror, the ever shapeshifting
she-spider, toying with her food, the
women ensnared in her great webs. Many
are already cocooned, drained and barely
alive. Others are moldering with the
stench of death.
comes Count Dracula declaiming in his
thick Rumanian accent: "Vampirella is
oblivious to all we say and do, Tiffany,
because she doesn't believe in me! But
you can always believe in me, Tiffany."
The she-spider finally speaks! "As I
have made my home here, I can invite in
anyone I want to." Amphortas,
telepresent, gnashes his teeth in
response. Dracula continues: "I can make
you a vampire, Tiffany, if that will
bring you closer to Vampirella. But I
would never seek to inveigle you into
anything to which you would not be ready
to commit your heart and soul. That
would be meaningless for me. And you are
a clever fetching woman, Tiffany. You
can make your own opportunity."
whispers to Vampirella, looking towards
the she-spider: "She's trying to decide
if you are predator or prey, and thus, I
fear, who's prey am I. Quick: Take me
over that way." Vampirella and
Tiffany come upon an elegant bath
flowing with fresh blood from a
sculptural cornucopia. The warm gore
seeps from the horrific cocoons of still
living prey of the spider. "This is the
spider's trough" realizes Vampirella. "Hush!" replies
Tiffany, quickly shedding her remaining
clothing and wading in. Vampirella,
stetting at the edge of the bath,
removes her garb, while Tiffany helps
her out of her boots. "Go on, we have to
sell it!" urges Tifany, baring her neck
for Vampirella, who takes her at long
last! "We could tarry here forever and
ever!" gushes Tiffany, breathlessly
egging Vampurella on.
"Will we find happiness
enough to share with all?" queries Vampirella.
Tiffany stifles a tear: "I will not burden you,
Vampirella." Tiffany gingerly extricates he
clothing from the spider web, but finding them
ruined, hurls them away in frustration. "Go
forth, Vampire Ella." sputters Tiffany, slipping
back into her stockings, footwear and gloves,
sniffling and trying very hard to be brave. I was wondering where they
had gotten to." "I will make my own escape
while you do whatever must be done." decides Tiffany
as Vampirella dresses herself, retrieving the
bloodstone and slipping it into her boot.
Tiffany makes ready for a dramatic exit into the
even as the
by her long,
Vampirella quickly reacts, making
good her escape by air in the form
of a bat, her sonar reverberates
from more of those exquisite brass
urns, deafening and disorienting
Vampirella so that she flies
headlong into the stone ceiling,
then falls ensnared into a giant
Only in the
nick of time do the massive tentacles repel the
giant spider, in struggle with Vampirella! Vampirella is then beset by the
henchmen of Amfortas only just before succumbing
to the tentacles! Vampirella is barely
conscious as the giant spider morphs
into a woman with a spider tattoo about
her belly, hungrily grasping at Vampirella until Biker Bitch roughly
pushes her aside, wrenching Vampirella
free and standing weakly, still dazed.
poo!" complains Penny. "No one told me
that villainy is even more frustratingly
disciplined than virtue!" "Them's the
Penny." answers Biker Bitch,
throwing herself in to assaulting
Vampirella, even somewhat to the dismay
of the on looking Tiger Twins. "Spiderella!"
corrects Penny. "Spiderella.
Sorry." apologizes Biker Bitch,
wailing on Vampirella.
Tiffany, distracted, falls prey to the
tentacles from the floor grate! But
worse, is the psychic attack of the
neither being. But Tiffany is rescued by
Leong Naga and the snakes of the crypt.
communing with them, she is illuminated.
Meanwhile, Vampirella fares poorly against
Biker Bitch, as the Tiger Twins look on.
Bitch tries to drown Vampirella in bath,
now running clear and clean, Vampirella finally rallies in a savage
But just as
suddenly, Vampirella keels over, wretched with
much to Tiffany's horror, Spiderella, disgruntled, withdraws seeking
consolation with Esmeralda, barely concious,
partially cocooned and covered in venomous love
is presented with the exit she seeks, as the housemaids, steering clear of giant
predators, file in through what can now be seen
and recognized as an indoor rock garden,
protected in latex from head to foot, are busy with a
veritable crime scene cleanup. The overwhelming
odors of death and toxins mix with the aromas of
bleach, spectracide and dry steam. But no
perseverance of elbow grease can banish the
But one of
the maids is careless, and runs afoul of the
grate in the floor!
- Voice over:
- "Passing modern
high tech security points along the way,
Vampirella finds herself spirited ever
deeper into a subterranean complex, dungeon
chambers and passage ways integrated with
catacombs, a model of wretched Medieval
- "When space in
the graveyards outside was needed, the bones
of noble and commoner, torturers and
tortured, all alike, neatly found there way
back here again to disturb, marvel and edify
the tourists of a later age."
- From beneath
the massive grating, the horrid
frustrated gurgling roar of the
monstrous dweller deep in the catacombs,
still rumbles through the castle, resonating
through the urns, as Vampirella,
strapped into one of the MimicMan
exoframes, joints locked and
immobilized, with modular wheels
configured to the ankles forming a hand
truck and restraints.
The catacombs are undergoing an
expansion. And one slave is particularly furtive, and only Vampirella
notices her making her escape!
But then she is caught again. It is Tiffany's
traveling companion in the trunk of the car.
deeper into the catacombs, they drag Vampirella.
- demands Vampirella
- For surely the venom
working on her mind:
- In her head,
- it seems that Vampirella hears the skulls
- calling out to her:
redeemer, save us, save us..."
for next chapter
Vampirella in the Crypt of