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Through the Dark
Copyright 2013 - 2017
her own hair to wipe the cup clean again,
Vampirella discovers how the bell screws and
dethatches from the stem, allowing
Vampirella to thread the stem trough the
ring clasp of her collar. But Vanpirella is
awed and astonished as the grail bleeds and
fills with blood, poring copiously over her
Vampirella is startled by a forest of skeletal
hands sprouting from the graveyard soil.
Erupting from the earth, a mob of risen dead
advances upon Vampirella who stumbles over a
gravestone, her ankle in the grip of skeletal
fingers grasping upward out of the dirt!
Springing up from the ground, the skeletal
warriors advance upon Vampirella, stumbled and
doubled over a gravestone.
Suspense mounts as the nearest of the skeletal
warriors grows closer, and smacks her bare
buttocks, first once and then again! "Vampi
booty, Vampi booty!" chant the others in
lecherous approval. Flush with insult,
Vampirella wheels about, wagging a perfectly
manicure index finger in approbation. But one
among them, treated with deference by the
others, comes forward, demanding order:
With that the skeletal legion,
unwilling to hear any more,
marshals to attack Vampirella,
but then they cower as she makes
short work of their leader.
Suddenly those little werecats
that Amphortas domesticated as
housemaids, reunited with their
larger feral cousins, come
charging in on all fours, to
route the hapless skeletal
legion, making off with their
very bones for their supper!
Matida even seems happy to see
"What have you
done!" accuses their leader. "The Dweller in the
Crypt is no more" replies Vampirella. "You are
all free to move on."
"But you were to
stand glorious by the side of Count Dracula
under the Eldritch Banner of the Elder
Cephalopods!" "I fear that we have all been
- "Not only where
your desires unclear to me, but first of
all, I am the mortal enemy of Count Dracula,
and secondly it would seem that Dracula
himself is actually sworn to protect the
enemies and allies alike so suddenly
dispersed, Vampirella finds herself solitary
and feeling strangely lonely as the storm
gradually rises. It is in that melancholia
that Vampirella discovers a fissure in the
graveyard soil, where piled up sculls have
been thrust up from the catacombs below, in
the violent death throws of the massive
crypt dweller. The monsters blood has pooled
about. There Vampirella takes a moment in
down the Grail, as of its own accord, the
Grail ignites a burnt offering for the
Skeletal Legion. "Your struggles are well
finished." says Vampirella. "I am sorry to
have disturbed your well earned rest. Do not
judge me as I do not judge you." It is then
that the night sky opens up in sheets of
rain, quenching the little fire as if in
rejection of the offering. While back down
in the fissure, Abrial is soaked!
Someone finally helps
poor klutzy little Abrial, still gazing upward
in astonishment, out from the tight rocky
fissure, just as Adam returns to take confession
with their priest, of how he was beguiled by the
raven tressed vampiress. Abrial stands
unnoticed, humiliated in rejection. Soaked and
bedraggled Abrial has become even the more
invisible to Adam, whom she so clearly hero
worships. But then Abrial takes fright to
discover another one of the housemaids dead,
collateral damage from the mêlée, becomes
ashamed of her petty selfishness and moved to
compassion. As the surviving housemaids receive
first aid, Abrial surreptitiously retrieves and
opens her duffle bag, setting it by the fissure
for Leong Naja to gratefully slither in.
- On the
surface, in the flashing lightening,
Vampirella catches sight of the
brides of Dracula, levitating away
beneath the moon, blowing Vampirella
farewell kisses. "You'll catch your
death, dear!" With the rumbling
distant thunder comes the cleansing
downpour, and Vampirella once again
in human form, checking her boot,
and still in possession of the
Grail, turns her face up to the
Vampirella, bare and pale skinned,
betrays no discomfort from the damp
and cold, even as the torrential
rain begins to turn to sleet! When
she first arrived at the castle of
Amfortas, Vampirella's scanty
fighting attire clung to her curves
like shiny crimson duct tape. As the
evening wore on, the fabric began to
stretch much as a one piece bathing
suit. In mortal combat with
outfit has rolled up and bunched
together into a heavy string one
- At long
last, Vampirella suffers a major
wardrobe malfunction: Strolling
through the downpour, Vampirella
suddenly sneezes! And her tits
pop out! At the bottom of the
screen, shadows of the audience rise
in standing ovation!
- In startled
disbelief, Vampirella shrugs off and forgets
surreal breech from across the fourth
wall, and squeezes the straps of her outfit
clean of all the slime and gore, snapping
and flattening out all of the scant material
so that the smart fabric once again shapes
and clings over her supple contours. Thunder
and lightening! Preposterous, am I?!
Vampirella rails into the elements...
- "If there is
anyone watching me, then just what in this
life, can they be waiting to see??!"
- As if in answer
comes the crack of the lash, and cries of
pain stifled by a gag. Vampirella beholds a
tumescent naked man with a whip, fleeing
back into the forest.
finds housemaids and even Spiderella's
intended dinner entrees, standing naked,
cold, wet shivering, bound and gagged,
shackled to heavy wooden blocks,
offerings of devotion to slain
The poor things, they didn't get far!
quickly frees them with her superhuman
strength as the hooded cultists scatter
silently back through the graveyard and
deep into the woods. Suddenly a voice
rings out: "Let's play: Is there a God?"
"I like not the sound of that!" mutters
Vampirella, wheeling about to behold two
women dressed in Cabaret costume
negligee, one hooded and trussed up all
set to hang from a gallows, and the
other set to kick the stool out from
under her. Two other women, terrified,
naked bound and noosed, await their
- In a flash,
Vampirella grabs the would be
executioner, kicking and screaming
unintelligible curses. It is the
North African nun!
"That little whore of Babylon, unclean
consort of the deep dwellers! She begged
me for death." Breaking her bonds and
pulling of the sack off from over her
head, Vampirella finds the imminently
condemned girl drooling and catatonic.
It is Itsy, then smiling, beatifically,
ravishing, tilting back her head, baring
her throat to Vampirella. The other two
regard one another, quizzically.
- Vampirella mischievously grazes
Itsy's throat with her fangs,
only scratching. "Oww!! What was
that for?" complains Itsy.
- "What's the matter deary my"
laughs Vampirella, merrily
"don't you love me any more?"
"You're a meany!" sulks Itsy,
pouting. Suddenly she cries out
Suddenly the North
African nun lunges for
Itsy's crotch. There is
an eruption of tentacles
and gore splatter as
next thing Vampirella knows, it is she
herself on the end of the noose, fed upon by
the minions of Dracula. And as Vampirella
struggles for her own life, a third figure
sets himself to the grizzly work of the
hangman, with prodigious alacrity.
in a flash of lightening, Vampirella beholds
Abrial at the edge of the murky forest, gone
again on the dark. Warning or beckoning?
Vampirella, in fresh resolve, breaks free,
casting aside and thrashing her attackers.
No longer benefitting from the advantage of
surprise, the cowards quickly disperse. The
North Africannun too, runs
off cackling madly through the graveyard and
into the forest. The girls still standing,
rush to save the others dancing at the end
of the noose, those for whom it is not
already too late. Even while springing give
chase into the woods, Vampirella beholds
Itsy stirring and opening her eyes.
Vampirella tastes a splatter of blood on
Itsy's cheek, declaring: "Octopus ink!
Crimson octopus ink? A mutation..." Itsy
weeps to discover severed tentacles in her
in the deep dark
woods, where the the
slime mold magic
awaits the lurking
mystery woman, for
through the graveyard and into the deep dark
and gloomy forest, Vampirella discovers
more live offerings of the cultists, so
relentless and eager to draw out the
malignant neither spawn, object of such
manic veneration: Yet more naked housemaids,
trussed up in the tree branches. With her
second sight, Vampirella perceives that the
trees are actually Dryads, Wood
Nymphs. Because she wears the Grail, the
tree branches obligingly lower of their own
accord, for Vampirella to untie their
strange fruit, the exhausted naked and
Tiffany, still naked, now cold
and shivering, cowers.
sheltering in a tree hollow,
eyes imploring Vampirella not to
give her away. Something is
still very wrong! What does she
hide from? Out from the woods
wanders another woman with a red
umbrella, standing before
Vampirella and smoking so
copiously, that the unnaturally
sudden and snowy cold snap even
seems to have calumniated out
from from those billowing fumes!
scent of opium laced hashish is
mystery woman appears very, very
than just okay!" replies Spiderella: "Wanna
toke?" And with that, she lets loose like a
dragon, from between her fangs, with a great
vortex of smoke, like a thing alive,
straight into Vasmpirella's face!
Unleashing also her
powers of mesmerism, Spidereella
begins shapshifting all the more into a
seductive double of Vampirella herself!
Vampirella finds herself compelled to tilt back her
head and bare her neck
languorously, to the vampiress having taken
Vampirella's own form, but
with bleeding punctures on
her throat."See, Vampirella?" breaths
Spiderells. "you are
supposed to have delicious
beauty marks like these. You
want to, don't you? Keep
sweet! Just let me fix
with that, Spiderella closes
in, making good on her
But just as all seems lost, her
adversary's fangs at her jugular, a
sapling in the howling wind, whips at
Vampirella painfully, startling her back
to her senses. Vampirella finds herself
enraged, a sharply broken tree branch in
hand, impaled through the chest of
Spiderella thrashing six long and
dangerous spiny arms in most horrific
death throes, plaintively croaking:
"Are you going to tear off my head
and shit down my neck?" "Oh, Penny!"
laments Vampirella, "Spiderella."
Spiderella corrects Vanpirella.
"Spiderella" agrees Vampirella,
solemnly. "Call me Penny, Mommy..."
pleads Spiderella. "Oh Penelope!" weeps
Vampirella, reaching for the Holy Grail
about her neck. But it is gone!
"Thou shan't have the Grail, unless to
fulfill prophesy at the center of the Earth,
by awakening our sisters." demand the
What?!" blurts out Vampirella, in consternation.
are the Redeemer," pronounce the Dryads,
"then tell the answer: Who are
the pollinators of Eden?" "This is no
time for riddles!"
Only then in a flash
of lightening, does Vampirella catch
sight of Itsy,
in tears, scrambles through the brush,
searching in vein. For momentarily, it
is already too late. But unseen by
Vampirella, and unnoticed in he gloom by
Itsy, the crumbling carcass shell of Spiderella writhes with a live clutch of
fresh hatching spider eggs! Itsy is
surprised at the lightness of the body,
as she tenderly bears bears Penny away.
Meanwhile Vampirella, regaining her composure,
finds her rain soaked hair ensnarled in cobwebs.
And there is the Grail, right there in that
soaking, matted and tangled mop! But rushing
back for Penny, Vampirella finds Penny's body
At long last arriving by the roadside,
down the hill from the ruined castle,
Vamprella rendezvous with a van sporting
a custom paint job proclaiming: 'The
Amazing Pendragon'. Finally, they make
good Vampirella's escape.
- As the van lurches and swerves
across the rain soaked roadway, for the
first time Vampirella, hastily buckling
up, finally betrays mortal terror: Old
Pendragon behind the wheel, and as ever
already well inebriated, hits the liquid
courage especially hard! In a thunder
clap they catch glimpse of a dancing
specter, set to pirouette En Pointe and
caper like a satyr!
Vamparella finds herself awash in a flood of
vivid memories: Penelope was so cute when
she was little, before her appetites turned to
people and her idea of play became homicidal.
Then she styled herself 'Spiderella.
sneeze erupts from the back seat. Vampirella
turns about: It is the old guard, miserable with
the flue, shivering and wrapped in a blanket.
Vampirella and Pendragon let him off at a
roadside diner for a warm plate of soup. As
Vampirella and Pendragon turn to exit the diner,
he feebly attempts to return the borrowed
blanket still wrapped about him, but they
genially refuse. "Who are the pollinators of
Eden?" Vampirella demands of him. "A rock group,
maybe?" sneezes the guard. Pendragon shrugs.
Back in the
van, Vampirella reflects upon her recent
adventure, remembering the tiny family photo in
the cameo of the miserably shackled chambermaid.
In it, the woman stands with her husband and
children. Sharply, Vampirella realizes that the
husband is none other than Amfortas! Meanwhile,
back in the ruins of the dungeon, a cry rings
out: "He's alive!" Meanwhile in the van, a radio
news flash announces that His Majesty Amfortas
is in critical condition after the mysterious
collapse of the castle. Back in the ruined
dungeon, the Leather Nuns have called in their
own corps of paramilitary paralegal paramedics.
As his stretcher is lifted by crane, out from
the ruined dungeon catacombs, Amfortas clings to
life. His Queen, the much abused chambermaid is
there, once again resplendent in the finery
befitting her station, laying flat on the
palatial marble floor, peering down into the
fissure in the ground, shouting down to
Amfortas, as the crane extricates his stretcher.
degradation! Can you ever forgive me?" rasps
Amfortas. The acoustics are still remarkable.
"He's dead? He's good and dead?" demands the
Queen, in trepidation. "Vampirella did it! The
demon of the pit is destroyed. The mad
desperation of it's unholy thoughts no longer
permeate the either. I am myself again and
whole. The curse is lifted. But where are the
children?" "We sent them away, remember? Itsy
came back, and she has gone to bring Bey back
home, even as we speak. And darling, don't
apologize. It had to be real, but it worked. No
one knew me for myself, me least of all. Karma's
a bitch alright, but she lost my scent. My
shadow has yet to catch up with me."
said, then a shot rings out! The Queen lies in a
pool of her own blood. The Leather Nuns leap
into action to treat and protect her.
Back in the
van, Vampirella, flashing back to the bloodied
hand of Amfortas brushing her cheek, now
speaking of this with Pendragon, recollects out
from the jumbled blur, with the help of nurse
succubus -Spiderella! giving Amfortas a blood
transfusion as she cradled him in her arms,
regaling Amfortas with her exploits in the
Himalayas, but then quickly and instinctively
repressing the memory in order to guard it from
Dracula as he arived. Amfortas had indeed seemed
dead. His heart must have only stopped long
enough to afford entry for Dracula and his
rests on a gurney on the surface, being made
ready to be rushed to hospital. His neck is
heavily bandaged and a Mimic Man
appendage is immobilized, serving as a quick
splint for a broken arm. The Queen, nursing
bruised ribs, is pealed out from a Kevlar bullet
proof vest taped over with punctured bags of
stage gore. "Poppa!" announces a young girl
beside the gurney of Amfortas. It is Itsy!
"Momma!" Itsy rushes to embrace the Queen, who
beaming, nevertheless motions her off because of
the messy dripping stage gore and her bruised
ribs. Turning back to Aphortas, Itsy speaks to
him: "What a tragedy that brought us Vampirella
the Redeemer. The scorching devastation of her
beautiful home world!" "But Daddy," queries a
little Bey, "if these Vampyri where so
scientifically and technologically advanced, did
they not foresee the danger from space, well
before hand? Why did they not prepare and
forestall such catastrophe?" "Politics, I
imagine." muses Amfortas in reply.
nearby, Abrial speals with Adam, repeating what
Leong Naja whispers to her, coiled and flattened
like a great taper, under the her habit and
matching poncho: "There will be eye witnesses
having caught some fleeting glimpse of a
receding shadow in flight from the crime scene.
Ballistics will reveal the rifle, never reported
missing, to be from the Queen's own registered
fire arms collection." "So this is not an
isolated incident." replies Adam. "Hardly."
and Pendragon continue their journeys together,
subsisting from their travelling magic show, the
same lack luster performance with the big finale
of Vampirella turning into a bat! An audience
member, the old guard, not so clueless after
all! discretely uses his cell phone to video
record their act, which soon turns up on
YouTube, discovered online by dutiful Abrial and
watched intently by Adam Van Helsing and the
Leather Nuns, now in possession of Amfortas'
powerful Mimic Man
table sits a blind old man with a crystal ball,
whom Adam addresses as Dad. It is the old guard,
actually Conrad Van Helsing, the blind psychic
father of Adam Van Helsing, who sees through the
eyes of every person and animal nearby, even
video feeds as well. Conrad Van Helsing is the
head vampire hunter for the Leather Nuns,
brooding in silence. Adam and Vampirella will
Cut to: Itsy still bearing
Penny's body, is lost in a reverie of Penny,
emerges from the forest into the cemetery
adjoining the ruined Whispering Castle.
How noughty it felt to sneak off to
raid the secret stash of
Playboy Magazines and lingerie
catalogues, that the boys all hid
under their beds.
music: 'Peter Pan': 'I won't grow up."
Flashback: Young Spiderella and Itsy run and
play. Cut to: They have fallen into a heated
argument. "The reason the neighbors are so cold
to you, is that no one knows if your coming by
to volunteer at the nursing home or to eat the
family dog. -or the family. You can't be all
that surprised. And you really need to stop
getting stoned trying to kill your Mom!"
complains Itsy. "I do what I want!" retorts
Spiderella. "You're doing it for attention." "It
works for me." "But it's not necessary!
Vampirella is always there for you." "Always up
my ass!" Insert edit: A man, shaken and bloody,
covered in cobwebs, beholds Vampirella spanking
Spiderealla, who cries out. Vampirella is
infuriated and really waling on Spiderella! Cut
back again: Itsy: "I don't know why I bother!"
"Please, Itsy. You're my only bestest friend!"
"Yeah, well it's not entirely unconditional. If
you kill me, I'll never speak to you again."
"Well, hardy har, har!"
from shoveling, to continue chiseling the the
epitaph on a great fieldstone. The music rises,
"I'll never grow up, not me!"
feet, spiders swarm to climb up her legs! Itsy
smiles, as the spiders, human featured, nestle
on Itsy's shoulders.
On each shoulder, when she blinked, Itsy
found a femlin princess! Itsy beheld their
retinue congregating at her feet.
were all so thrilled when Itsy wanted to take
them home in her lantern. They were all so
They lounged around so languidly, the
way that femlins always do, until
dutifully cuing up for their elbow
length black gloves, issued so sternly
by the Master Sergeant. To pass muster,
they all measured up before him. But
when they ran out of black nylon
stockings and stilettos, they simply had
to make do first with silk stockings or
shiny wet look vinyl. -And when those
ran out, just rock'n with those thigh
high dominatrix boots!
The femlins striding in the boots,
inspired such sweet submission from the
femlins in black stockings.
mused Itsy, delightedly. "They're real!
And they come in all sizes!"
Itsy beheld as the full sized
version composed herself,
striking a dramatic pose right
there before her in all of her
that my name? How sophisticated!"
pondered Femlyn, languorously.
Then one of the little femlins
also wanted to go blond. "No, stay as you are. I
will be dark and mysterious, like my little
sister femlins." resolved Femlyn.
was lots of fun, quite a performer!
"Alas, poor Penny... !"
of the catgirls wandered back again, all hot
to be femlins too!
out well, because Femlyn decided that she wanted to play some
soccer. And the agile and powerful catgirls took
to soccer quite naturally. Itsy got some
good exercise joining in
As the hours grew late, Itsy finally
took Femlyn home to be looked after by
one of the very proper nannies' on staff
at the daycare facility. But Femlyn was
one tough broad, increasingly bored with
all those itchy cloths and stuffy
finally managed a nice relaxing bubble bath...
suddenly became quick and fierce!
have been proud.
The very shadows
became steeped in
an unwelcome presence!
- Vigilance all to no avail!
Femlyn finally caught the spy in their midst.
- "You better talk!" barked Femlyn in
what she hoped was a commanding tone..
- It must have been, because Itsy was
frightened, and scolded Femlyn to
was sorry. "You know how I am. How will I ever
learn?" Femlyn pouted.
"You love me. Not that cold fish of a Nanny.
You know what's best. You must bend me to your
will!" resolved Femlyn.
"All you really need is a little time out."
been playing all the games that you know, but I
learned some pretty interesting games away at
school, that we can try. This time I will never
let you go, Penny! It's you, Penny, isn't it?"
Femlym slipped her bonds, with practiced ease,
and embraced Itsy. "Only in spirit, sweetie."
"Who else do you know who bathes in a giant
"Me, when you aren't looking." "Oh, I saw!" "Oh,
my head!" "The venom is wearing off. You need to
learn that not every spider is Spiderella, not
even here in Transylvania."
Itsy paused: "I
saw you with a gun sticking up your own shadow!"
"I should have worn my disguise." "To mask your
intent, Tiffany?" "Itsy my Princess, it wasn't
mine, it was Karma, your mother the Queen's
shadow trying to attach itself to me. Something
that even I might find myself hard pressed to to
escape." "Sounds like what the Paladin told you,
but I still don't understand it." "Don't you?
The assassin's bullet! Your royal mother's
shadow has finally caught up with her. Didn't
you see me disarm that shadow? Do you think I
pulled you mother's Kalashnikov out of my own
twat?" "Is the armory not secure?" "Try locking
anything up from your own royal shadow!"
what were you doing out in the graveyard,
Tiffany?" "Practicing my art." "In the kitchen,
out from the refrigerator may be just for
practice, but from a casket six foot under seems
somewhat more in earnest, especially with no
audience. No, Tiffany: You where digging out
from your own grave! You are preparing to become
a vampire. You are worse than my father the
King! Both of you so hot for Vampirella. Oh,
don't pout! But why the boots and gloves?" "Why,
leathers to protect my arms and leg, of
courses." "Naked?" "I didn't want to spoil my
good cloths. And I never wear just any old
"And the color of your hair?" With a
flourish of prestidigitation Tiffany shook out
her hair: It was fiber optic, and glistened in a
rainbow of color! Tiffany became a flaming redhead
and then a platinum blond.
"Men are fickle. A gal's gotta be flexible."
Itsy laughed: "Everyone should
have a bondage bunny of their very own!" "You
should be thankful to the catgirls. They had the
inspiration of playing soccer to sweat the venom out of
your system more quickly." "I'm bushed." yawned
Itsy, lying down in the couch, soon fast asleep.
Tiffany tucked her in with a comforter.
spidery femlins buzzed and tittered at Tiffany's
feet, for the femlins all knew that Tiffany lied. "Shoo!!" she barked at them, and they
scattered into the shadows and back into the
woodwork, looking for more trouble, and always
Amfortas and his Queen with their remaining
retinue make themselves at home in great
geodesic dome over the ruins of the Whispering
still haggard from his ordeal, and uses a cane.
But his accustomed vigor returns, nigh
- v.o.: "The femlin looked on and
beheld, as Her Majesty the Queen found
herself hard pressed in labor
renegotiations with the remaining staff,
and wondered how long the Queen's
trigger-happy shadow would thereby be
The sign says:
American Kindergarten. Inside,
Lil' Princess Tutu, a darling little
trick-or-treater costumed as Princess Tutu,
demands in alarm: And what happened next? They
are in a kindergarten all decorated for
Halloween and filled with costumed little
trick-or-treaters, listening to story time. With
Vampirella sitting beside him, shooting him a
warning glance, old Pendragon, pretending to
read from a great tomb of a plushy Necronomicon,
replies, pantomiming with Vampirella, now
sporting thigh length high heeled wet look
Well, um, falters Pendragon,
looking to Vampirella for approval, then... the
monster tickled poor Vampirella without mercy!
Insert edit the fantasy thus
conjured: Vampirella, barefoot, ensnared,
coiled about in massive writhing tentacles
of Hentai-BemSothoth, shrill giggling like a
demented little girl! One tentacle holds
Vampirella's boots, neatly folded, while the
tentacles coiled about Vampirella, laughing
to tears, mercilessly tickles her bare feet
with a quill feather!
There in the kindergarten also
sits demurely the cat maid Matilda, cradling
a femur bone in her lap. Vampirella rises:
"And now children, just as a I promised, our
extra-spooky special guests! Enter freely
and of your own will!" With this, Pendragon
rattles a thunder board, a metal sheet for
making a boominf cacophony of thunder claps,
reflective for also producing the
accompanying flashing effect in the gloom
with the lights dimmed and curtains drawn.
Vampirella's eye gleam bright
and red, as the doors are flung open, and
the skeletal legion enters! "Your promise."
Vamprella reminds Matilda, who returns the
femur to the Commander of the Skeletal
Legion. Lil' Princess Tutu sneezes,
complaining: "They smell!" "That's not nice"
chides Vampirella. Tutu looks to Pendragon
for support, but in vain. The other children
clap and cheer in delight, as the limping
skeletal commander reinserts his femur bone
into place! But the adults are horrified.
"All of it." demands
Vampirella of Matilda, who, reaching into
her buoyant décolletage, hands over a worn
out tourist map of the Whispering Castle
grounds, with an 'X' scrawled thereupon. "I
suppose that you are meant to dig for it
yourself." apologizes Vampirella. "Oh, the
indignity!" laments the skeletal commander.
Vampirella addresses the horrified adult
care takers of the American Kindergarten:
"Tend the grave yard of the Whispering
Castle ruins, as your very lives depend upon
it!" she declares. Vampirella explains to
Pendragon: "Every time it rains hard, the
Skeletal Legion works double time just to
keep the soil over their skulls. If that
dirt goes any more bald, there will be a
mudslide right down the hill from the
Whispering Castle, through the Dark Forest
and straight into the lake. And there remain
things under that brackish water best
to: Abrial bringing Chinese takeout to the
Leather Nuns on vampire hinting surveillance
stakeout, watching as Vamirella at curb side in
front of the kindergarten, now garbed in a brief
black leather jacket over her outfit, replete
with fingerless driving gloves and 1970's
vintage black SIDI Fullbore Motocross Motorcycle
boots. With her superhuman strength, Vampirella
effortlessly lowers a custom paintjob Harley
Davidson motorcycle with of all things, a
blunderbuss strapped to the side over her
saddlebag, from a rack configured to the back of
Pendragon's van, and makes ready to don a
matching color schemed Thermahelm motorcycle
helmet remodeled from the classic Tutankhamun
Battlestar Galactica Colonial Viper Helmet. A
relief of Vampirella's bat emblem, replaces the
Vampirella mounts her Harley, Lil' Princess Tutu
saunters over with her trick-or-treat bag, and
tugs on the cuff of Vampirella's boot: "How did
you know those mean old spacemen where from
Earth?" she queries.
replies Vampirella, flashing back in dawning
comprehension: "They told me, they shouted!
swearing great oaths that Earth was their
birthright, and indeed, when I took their ship
from them, it brought me here from my dying
planet, here to your Earth..."
"Kids say the damndest
things!" remarks Pendragon.
Mermaids are real! There have to be mermaids!"
next blurts out little Princess Tutu. Vampirella
flashes back to free diving amid the ruins.
Scrutinizing and photographing the inscriptions,
as she finds a mermaid at her back peering over
her shoulder. Then Vampirella is startled to
find herself surrounded by curious mermaids. The
waters have suddenly filled with mermaids
darting quickly in formation like great schools
of fish! When one of them locks with Vampirella
in a piercing gaze, Vampirella, flustered by the
sudden intimacy, releases breath from her lungs
in a great shimmering bubbles rising.
Vampirellam beginning to drown, quickly reaches
for the vial of oxygenated blood substetute in
her boot. But her boots are neatly folded on the
beach! Flustered, Vampirella remembers that the
vial is now in her hair, but she fumbles and
drops it open, to be swept away by the ocean
currents. Vampirella quickly breaks free for the
surface. End flashback.
wordlessly are profound and mysterious,"
Vampirella assures little Princess Tutu. "For
such are the murky shadows the suffocating
pressure of deep and cloying smother love. But I
try not to judge them. Because in life, unless I
take care, I can all to readily find myself on
either end of similar
says Vampirella, flashing back to cradling the
do you keep your costume on, changing
into a bat and back again?" queries Lil'
Princess Tutu. "Spider silk memory
fabric, elastic, versatile. durable and
light weight." replies Vampirella. Tutu
frowns at Vampirella, aseptically."
"What?" demands Vampirella. "Cold,
gentle cycle, with a little baby
shampoo, and then conditioner in the
rinse." "And?" "It clings to me like a
living thing, because it is a living
thing, of course." "It needs your
blood!" oils Tutu, darkly. No sooner
said than Vampirella's costume begins
fading from vibrant crimson, into a
blotched, mottled and sickly pallor.
Vampirella summarily punctures her own
palm with her long red nails, and
discretely wipes the blood onto her
costume. The crimson blood splatter
quickly spreads, and the costume
revives. "Not all the time!" protests
- "Your jewelry?" "My jewelry is
imaginary." snaps Vampirella.
"Shapeshifting is too much of a
distraction and I forget all about my
- "And those boots?"
- Vampirella flashes back to a
cobbler's shop. To the cobbler's
astonishment, Vampirella, braless and
pantiless in a filthy hospital scrubs,
bleeding from bandages on her shoulder
blades, is dragging in two great bloody
stumped Giant bat wings on her tippy
- Cut to: Vampirella returning
to the cobbler's shop wearing a
waitress uniform, limping, tears
streaming down her face.
Vampirella removes and hurls
away her flats shouting: "What
kind of cruel fetish...?"
Donning her new stiletto heeled
calf boots to pirouette En
Pointe and caper like a satyr,
Vampirella adds in exuberance:
"At last on this savage world,
sensible foot wear!!"
Vampirella's doctor is there,
explaining to the astonished
cobbler, and holding up
Vampirella's x-ray slide: "See?
They only look like feet.
They're actually more like
x-ray slide reveals the high heel ready
little feet of a Barbie doll come to
Hesitant to make her new foot wear
jealous, nevertheless, Vampi cannot
resist trying on those comfy looking
roman sandal hoofboots.
Back to the present: Lil' Princess Tutu
insists: "Tell me about your boots!"
Vampirella replies, flatly: "That's
- Adam in the surveillance van,
exhausted, has dozed off, and dreams of
Vampirella rising naked from her candle
lit rose petal blood bath out on a
vast red alien tundra, anointing herself
gory with the Gail! As Vampirella's
lips, fangs and intent hypnotic gaze
close in, Adam awakes with a start as
Vampirella, loudly gunning the Harley's
engine, rides off down the tranquil
reverie, chuckles to herself at a private joke:
Underneath the minimal coverage of that yellow
bat emblazoned on the crotch of her tawdry
little stripper bathing suit, does Vampirella
shave her pubes similarly into a tiny bat
silhouette? Would Vampirella nick her privates
doing that, as a normal vampiress, casting no
reflection? Or would she only enjoy the pain?
the mirror, would Vampirella admire the crimson
one piece thong, floating there in mid air?
Suddenly Abrial gasps in fright, as Leong Naja,
still winding about Abrial under her habit, and
grown impatient with Abrial's snarky thoughts,
quickly tightens his grip, sharply squeezing the
life breath out of her!
There is a
snap, as Abrial falls to her knees, rubs her
neck with approval, and smiles in relief,
yawning. Stress making me catty! Patience, your
time will come, Leong Naja coiled about under
her habit, assures jilted Abrial, exhausted and
worn. Abrial plops down for a snooze in the the
back of a nearby pickup truck, Leong Naja coiled
under her back as he shields her face from the
sun with his great cobra hood.
the sidewalk in front of the kindergarten, Adam
observes the little Princess Tutu shouting after
departing Vampirella: "Take me with you,
Elvira!" - the sound fades away on the wind for
Vampirella, roaring out from suburbia on her
Harley onto the open road. Adam, tailing
Vampirella, through his binoculars, watches as
Vampirella makes new friends. What fun! Damn,
I'm made. As Vampirella rids off again, Adam
contemplates taking a fresh approach...
Cut back to
Vampirella on the road: Soon enough, Vampirella
finally succumbs to exhaustion and highway
hypnosis. In the dream, Vampirellas flashes
back, to being pulled from the wreckage of the
spacecraft in the wilderness, and spirited off
to a remote clinic for emergency surgery. Her
wings are broken and hemorrhaging. There is no
other remedy but amputation. Cut to: "I can
still feel them." weeps Vampirella, sitting up
in bed, gradually becoming aware of her doctor's
astonishment, as emanating through the bandages
on her back, phantom batwings emerge and
Then Vamparella dreams
of struggle with Hentai-BemSothoth, deep in the
bowels of the Earth, in a vast rumbling magma
The housemaids are also
there, ensnared and violated in the pulsing
tentacles, exploding with vile spawn from their
quickly bloated belies. Vampirella catches
several of them in her fangs, and gobbles them
down without thinking, even whilst struggling
with the massive tentacles, slaying
Hentai-BemSothoth, and in the process denuded of
all but her boots, jewelry and the little white
collar and ring clasp of her outfit.
Vampirella finds herself standing over a
mermaid, torn at the throat, flopping like a
fish out of water and drenched in her own blood,
on the dungeon floor of Castle Amphortas. With
her fingers, Vampirella paints the pattern of
her costume over her naked body, using the
copiously gushing and viscous blood. Next
Vampirella is clawing her way up and out from
the soil, out on the the surface, her breath
steaming in the chill night air.
there, but before she can speak to Vampirella,
Abriel is attacked, incinerated, by a flaming
skeleton erupting from the very soil! Then the
heaven open and the rain comes pouring down,
washing away the blood and gore, the ashes too.
light suddenly clicks on upon
"I am Lilith. I am the either, dark and
mysterious. I called out to the lonely
imagination of Adam in the Garden of Eden, and
became manifest. For in his innocence he still
shared in the power of creation.
- But I am a willful woman, unwilling
to submit to blood ruddy Man, and Eden
had no place for me. God banished me,
plagiarizing my design to create Eve,
fair and submissive." *
classic Weird Tales story. [citation
God is there,
as always, portrayed by a well dressed
distinguished actor. God: "Of all my
angels that I set to work in the design
of every creature, I needed you for the
invention of woman, Lilith." "And my
reward was to be cast out." "Did I
single you out? Adam and Eve soon
followed." "But I was jealous and
resentful. From out of the dark, I slew
their issue in the very crib. Infants
all dying in horror!" "A tragic
accident." "Oh Lord, you know better."
Lilith, the work of Creation is never done."
Lights rise revealing a great spider web on a
loom, with Satyr and Circe still hard at work.
The web curves inward,
yawning like the mouth of a cave, into a
wormhole, with spatial curvature, containing
vast expanse within its narrow skein.
And at the center is
Spiderella, the roadside dancer on the rain,
laughing, pirouetting En Pointe and capering
like a satyr, spinning off the rain droplets
into web strands out into infinity!
watches raptly, through a beautiful antique full
length mirror, that falls flat on the floor. And
when Vampirella, in rapt fascination, crawls out
onto the glass, it gives way and she falls,
tumbling into the stormswept tableau within!
you think of my experiment in Applied Teleology
of karmic retro-causality? -Not just
foreknowledge of the future, but quantum
afterthoughts setting right what one went wrong.
I forgive all who ask, and for you I offer a
very special redemption. I assure you most
emphatically, Lilith my child, that you only
reached out to their minds in tenderness, and in
loving curiosity, and in response, they rose
free of their little bodies, straight to my
bosom. See here and here. Just change the
motivation, and the same tragic results are
preserved, though at all less traumatically and
with no tangle of paradox. I take the sin of my
own carelessness in the entire matter. Go
ahead." "I can't." "Why are you all so hard on
why I am manifest by Thee, oh Lord?"
you are manifest not by me. Behold, your
daughter, the issue of your angry blood, still
ever locked in heart struggle with Adam, the
vampire Ella! It is she draws you here tonight,
- "Momma, Momma!" cries Vampirella,
plaintively. "I am tired and confused. I
am losing concentration!" Lilith
disintegrates and scatters to the winds
as Vampirella rushes to embrace her.
"Why must you toy with us all so!"
demands Vampirella of God, who replies:
"Still no one understands me." And then
He is gone.
- The ensuing thunder and lightening
illuminate a sky actually scrawled with
eldritch runes, Arcanum and yet again
those mathematical formulae, resolving
into the legend: "Who are the
pollinators of Eden?"
Vampirella is shocked awake just in
time to pull short and skid to a halt at
a roadblock. Vampirella is bemused to
discover the screen of confessional both
standing right in the middle of the
crossroad. "How opportune. Am I still
dreaming?" Peering behind, Vampirella
discovers none other than Adam
Vanhelsing waiting patiently.
- Vampirella genuflects and
prostrates herself languidly upon an
upholstered kneeler, pressing
breathlessly up to
- "You? Really?" "I trained
for this in Seminary. I can be most
- Vampirella composes herself: "Bless
me or damn me, but I my sin weighs ever more
down upon me: I never escaped from the
mermaids that easily," confesses
Vampirella."They only wanted me to stay and
sport with them, and play forever in their
shimmering coral gardens. They beguiled,
they vexed and agitated, spurned, they
obstructed, they grasped and dragged me
down, until, drowning I finally lashed out
and went right for the jugular!"
went berserk! I fed on so many of them. The seas
ran red. The sharks frenzied. Then the orcas
feasted on the sharks. By then I had taken my
bat form. I even shaped myself more and more
like a great manta ray. But no matter how I
trued, I simply couldn't form gills.
"I got the oxygen I needed from the blood of the
merfolk, but I drank too much sea water and
passed out. I was surely done for. But I awoke
back in the shallows on the beach, safe and
"In gratitude I set to work with my grimoire."
Vampirella rises to
retrieve the plushy Necronomicon from the
saddlebags of her Harley, and zips open the the
Velcro of the hidden pockets, revealing the
contents concealed within:
"The scroll I purloined
from Shangri-La, the equations I worked out with
the top secret professor, and yes, the digital
photos I took in the sunken ruins saved here in
- "The printer burst into
flame when I tried to get hard copy of the
vile images. I didn't try it again. Even the
ancient cipher device you call: Grail.
was always meant for me. It appeared to me,
came back in time into my hands when I
wanted it. But that only meant that I still
had to recover it, in order to close the
loop and forestall paradox.
- "Surely the merfolk knew
therefore that I was inexorably on a path to
cross with Hentai-BemSothoth, and considered
their vengeance well predestined."
foreknowledge, Vampirella?" queries Adam.
"Guesses, distorted intimation. It's safe to
look, Adam, sorry: Father, if you focus
only upon the highlighted passages" explains
Vampirella. Nevertheless, Adam glimpses,
stitched into the scroll, the map of Aghartha.
"You worked in the old tongue, surmises Adam the
father confessor. You poured out your grateful
heart into song." "Yes Father, replies
Vampirella, and she came, she came when I called
out to her! We embraced in tears of joy. Then
she collapsed into a bloody heap, the business
end of a rusty old harpoon sticking out of her
back. So I reached for the Holly Grail, but it
had already slipped away back into the future. I
"Then, with Devil codices and Neconomicon pages
still in hand, I let out a deadly malediction of
the kind you can never take back!"
Vampirella, you are wrong!" "Am I?" "God never
burdens us more than we can bear up." "I called
down a thunder strike deep into the ocean"
insists Vampirella, sharply. "Vengeance is mine,
sayeth the Lord!" rebuts the priest, firmly.
"Mine to repay! Not you, not me." Vampirella
bolts to her feet: "Father Adam, tell me I beg
of you: what is my penance?" "You are doing your
penance, child of Lilith." he replies.
Vampirella rises and strides away from the
confessional. "You have not asked for
absolution" declares Adam, stepping out from
behind the screen to follow after Vampirella.
- But Vampirella can only answer with
a penetrating countenance of despair, as
she mounts her Harley Davidson once
"Platitude upon platitude!" she mutters
- Inside the plushy Necronomicon,
along with the half sized laptop, the
handheld, the scroll and loose leaf
folio, Adam could distinguish all along
by touch the bell and stem of a
communion cup, that tingled with warmth,
the Holy Grail protecting him as his
eyes stared into the abyss of dark
At long last, The Grail
was his along with the rest of the collection,
the good with the bad, like hope at the bottom
of Pandora's box, by valorous cunning against
the born enemy of God. Thus does Adam imagine
himself hailed as the hero of Christendom! Never
mind the trust of the confessional. Never mind
his own mixed mindedness. All he need do is to
tell himself such excuses and hold his tongue
but a moment!
flushes with bitter shame as in his mind eye he
beholds little old Catholic matrons and widows,
turning up their noses, turning their backs, and
retreating from his confessional in their
droves, while Vampirella sits downcast in the
pews, weeping. Baruch Ha Shem, but these Yentas know
everything! Christ in Heave4n! This is too much! Oh
Lord, don't test me, guide me! "The Grail will never
truly be yours." breaths Adam. "It has always been
mine." replies Vampirella. "The Grail will never
serve you." "It never has. But it calls to me." "Do
you answer that call with dark arts?" "In the
darkness, I test myself before God. Same as you.
When your keys are lost, they are no more likely to
be found under the street light, only more
comfortable to begin searching there." "What then
was your first lesson upon receiving that package
from the Whispering castle?" "That I owe Clark Kent
an apology." "A silly riddle?" queries Adan, staring
down at his shoes. "How far better to look at me"
replies Vampitella from behind the screen, "and
think of your shoes, Rabi Monsignor !" Adam rises
and steps out from behind the confessional screen to
look Vampirella straight in the eye: "Smart and
funny. But you have the advantage." "What student of
Qabala has not heard of you, Monsignor Rabi Adam van
Helsing? What's a nice Jewish boy... ? The original
Jew for Jesus! What are you doing here" "Getting too
comfortable." confesses Adam. "Vampirella!" shouts Adam, after such and
eternity of an instant, tossing back the plushy
Necronomicon. "Well for God's sake, I don't want
Dracula," demands Vampirella riding off, "wasn't
it!" The image conjured and burned into
Vampirella's mind, of Draculla, in sadistic
glee, standing out upon the coral shoals amid
the stormy sea, having just harpooned the
agonized good little mermaid right in the back.
Conrad Van Helsing: "Beware Vasmpirella, for as
the saying goes, when plotting vengeance, dig
two graves, the extra one for yourself. All the
worse, that the graves only spawn fresh horrors.
"Inaccurate rumors how Vampirella had lost the
Grail in the woods of the now ruined Whispering
Castle, disseminated amongst the fairy folk. For
those with the wit to percieve Spiderella's
unfortunate prank of webbing the Grail to the
back of Vampirella's head, where crafty enough
to keep it to themselves and bide time.
Therefore, Vampirella knew that Dracula and his
minions must return, eager to scour every corner
of the grounds, and that they would abide in the
conveniently situated crypts of the castle grave
"There she sought out the fiend Count Dracula
for a final reckoning."
Cut to: A
blond young woman in jeans and a tea shirt lies
face down and unconscious at in the graveyard of
the ruined Castle Amfortas at night. In her hand
is a stake. Vampirella grabs the stake and fends
off a deadly trio of attacking vampires. As the
vampires flee, Dracula appears, dramatically
barring Vampirella from giving chase.
bite!" warns Vampirella, as Adam Van Helsing
also arrives, hesitantly making stand with
Vampirella in most uneasy alliance. "You killed
her!" accuses Vampirella of Dracula. "Yes, it
was me: I pierced her through the breast like
Dan Cupid! But she gave me no choice!" objects
Dracula. "What?!" demands Vampirella.
regale you of my first sojourn to Isle of
Britain?" "Everyone knows" replies Vampirella,
"of the ship that sailed in and ran aground, all
on it's own, after you had fed upon the entire
crew." "Yes, thank you Braham Stoker!"
interrupts Dracula. "Well, Vampirella, I have
you know that so discretely torn out from the
good Captain's log where the pages bearing
dramatic account of how that good little mermaid
pest, came to their aid against me. Imagine! Oh,
she was resourceful. She had fashioned for
herself a vest of sea sponges neatly sewn
together with strands of her own hair, to keep
wet and breathing comfortably, even while
shipboard. And she was strong! She had
ingeniously worked out the movement of the North
American rattlesnake, how you say: the
sidewinder, for locomotion on deck, standing
proud and tall on her great thrashing tail! With
her help, the redoubtable crew of the Demeter
had me cornered with stake and cross. Yes, she
had discovered Christ, of all things. Buddha and
Mohamed too. So in every hallowed name burning
upon my honeyed tongue, I begged her to spare
me, and promised her anything ever her heart
should desire, any time she asked, just like the
genie of the lamp."
corruptor!" spits Vampirella. "And how far did
sweet reason get you, when Amphortas had you in
a similar compromising position, Vampirella?
-Well, so many different fetching positions, as
I recall. What a sight to see! Vampirella,
Vampirella, before abandoning the redoubtable
crew of the good ship Demeter to my tender
mercies, your sweet scaly goody two shoes
merwench made me swear on the Styx! I had all
forgotten the faithful oath, when at long last
she summoned me to honor our bargain. I tell you
I had no choice, Vampirella. I never lie."
sums up: "So now you know the truth of how she
earned the contempt of her own kind and made
herself outcast. And after all the centuries of
lonely Good Samaritan atonement, she still
called due my debt at long last. And what do you
suppose she finally wanted? Why, I had to make
you love her forever, whatever means should that
require and at any cost." "Her violent death
agony the key to my heart?" demands Vampirella.
"Poor, poor, Vampirella, stranded upon a world
where the only food flows in human veins, and
her only kindred are the predatory risen dead.
Pine why don't you, Vampirella, for lost
Drakulon!" "Mock my suffering while you can,
monster." seethes Vampirella. "Vampirella,
think: Drakulon is a dump! We hated the place!
Couldn't escape quickly enough! You never loved
it till you lost it!" Vampirella is stricken and
then disgusted: "Don't think you truly know me.
You are from Transylvania, Dracula. Not
Drakulon!" "I have been many people in different
times and places, Vampirella" explains Dracula
patiently, "as have we all. When first I saw you
on Earth, I remembered. It all came back
clearly. I am only disappointed you don't
remember me, Vampi dear." "I went berserk and
murdered her kin. But she saved me without
hesitation. For this, she died in my arms, died
at your hand, monster! Could it have been you
that I fled from Drakulon?" wails Vampirella,
"What sort of fond memories should I ever
cherish of the likes of you? Are you
Narcissistic and depraved beyond all ordinary
lucidity?" "I granted her wish. She died happy!
Raptured! Blissful!" retorts Dracula. "I took
great pains, and saw to that for the both of
you, so glorious a privilege by Heaven so long
denied to me!"
Vampirella can hear no more, and hurls herself
at Dracula. Before the very eyes of Adam Van
Helsing, they do battle and give no quarter.
"What fire! What audacity." "What craven
desperation. We where starving! To my eternal
shame, I took flight to find a place where our
food courses through the very veins of the
population. For leading you here, I shall atone
by your eradication!" "Many expeditions tried to
follow you, but none where ever heard from
again." "So you took our last desperate resort,
Plan Nine." "Yes, meditation and fasting unto
death, one by one, to reincarnate back in time
in another world, this one, before our enemies
where even born! Then we learned to cling to our
new bodies even after death, reawakening our
dimly remembered bloodthirst and powers. We
regrouped from the four corners of this world,
to forge our place in it's bounty! And now, you
have arrived, restored to us at long last,
dearest precious Vampire Ella:"
Dracula disengages in order to beat a
hasty retreat, cursing loudly: "You
pathetic softhearted excuse for a
vampire!" Vampirella, in hot pursuit,
trips and stumbles into the vampires'
nest in a dark and dank crypt all grown
through in a tangle of tree roots.
resting vampires awaken and flee,
together with Dracula all of them
dispersing like the very moonlit
- "Too bad about Penny, Vampi, now she
was fun!" calls out one of the departing
vampires, even as the Leather Nuns swarm
into the graveyard of the ruined
Whispering Castle, in support of
their Paladin Commander, Adam Van
Helsing, together converging upon the
crypt. Adam rushes in, just as
Vampirella, still tumbling, stumbles
backward into an open coffin. The stake
flies out of her hand! Vampirella,
frightened and breathless, raising her
arms defensively, batting her big hazel
eyes and perfect lashes, gazes up at
Adam standing over her with the stake in
hand, and once again locked in
"I drank her blood!" confesses
Vampirella. In her mind, Vampirella relives
cradling the broken and battered good little
mermaid in her arms, last embers of life
fading. The good little mermaid bravely
flashes her most ravishing smile, and tilts
back her weary head, baring her neck to
Vampirella. The good little mermaid shudders
with delight as Vampirella's fangs pierce
her pale flesh and find her throbbing
jugular. "I took delight in beguiling the
surrender into oblivion, of of another
living soul, love consummated in parting
forever. I know her intimately. I consumed
her very soul. I lived down to everything I revile
and dedicate myself to destroy. As for
fighting any sort of good fight, even Count
Dracula loves to play the hero now and
again. The Demeter was a slave ship,
transporting Rumanian abductees, barely out
of childhood, to the brothels of Europe.
Count Dracula liberated them in port, before
the Demeter set sail. That is why he was
spared. But she took his bribe. The mermaid
turned upon the crew of the Demeter when she
came upon the evidence, the chains rusty
with blood. All this I learned as her life
flashed before my eyes, but only made sense
of it just now."
"Her blood was
so passionate, informative, vibrant, rich and thick. Nutritious and
delicious. Just loaded with Omega 3"
adds Vampirella, pathetic in depths of
"And then, I became the vessel
of the Lords of Light. And as the angry
Merfolk set to work raising the Old One, the
Lords of Light smote down the eldritch
horror back into its eons slumber, dead but
dreaming. The Merfolk got there's!
"Such is my fate. I use up my
suitors more quickly every day." declares
Vampirella, clutching to herself a dried
rose. "Either strike true, then, beautiful
Adam Van Helsing, or keep your distance
Adam casts aside the stake: "I
lied when I pretended not to know you. I don't
know if you can remember yet, but when we
originally met, you where raging, covered in
blood and shit! A hell of a first impression, I
Then it dawns on Vampirella,
quietly talking over Adam:
uncontrollably when you ran from me. I
couldn't understand why. Then Count
Dracula got the drop on me. I strode so
brazenly into the Whispering Castle
without a care, because I knew, deep
down, that nothing Amphortas could ever
have in store for me could ever phase
me, after the endless mind bending that
I suffered at the hands of Count
Dracula, bound, locked away, drugged,
immobilized, intubated, catheterized,
alone and forgotten in the dark,
dreaming I was a windup doll, the key in
your hand. Ghostly, eviscerated, I loved
you helplessly. But you never came for
me." "I never knew."
"So I came
to hate you and to loath myself. Count Dracula
tasked me to kill you. You would have expired in
bliss! My secret was how I had no intention of
surviving the mission. But Dracula must have
guessed, easily. The entire plan was only
another mindgame, and no better than I thought
myself deserving. But now you've come for me,
and more than once. I will never make you prove
mêlée in the dungeon in the ruins of the
Whispering Castle, when the slime mold ran amok,
I was filled with such doubt. She was an
intelligence asset and became my intimate
mentor. The slime molds in a teaming fluid mass,
sometimes called: Matmos, flow into one
another and apart again at will, sharing every
suspect that those choosing individuality on the
Earth's surface become outcast among their
collective dwelling beneath the Earth's crust.
Hence naturally a frustrated yearning for others
to become part of them. -To rapport and digest
them! But togetherness together quickly
dissipates into eternal isolation, because
carbon life won't maintain physical integrity
once liquefied, but dissolves.
the dungeon, she became over stimulated. Now she
has lost the trust of everyone she ever came to
know in our world. And everyone has told me
again and again that you are as bad a risk,
Vampirella! But I know that God who has crossed
our paths, was testing my devotion and my faith.
What I have come to realize since we fist met,
is that what so terrified me was the glimpse of
myself. And that isn't so bad. You fight for
justice with all of your heart, no matter what
is in your heart at the time. You protect the
helpless and avenge the innocent, no matter
what. You are no femme fatale, Vampire Ella, you
are a hero as I should ever hope to become. For
I am no wounded outcast lost at sea and no
would-be Fisher King awaiting to make you his
fool and bring on the Grail. Nor shall mine be a
guilty love any longer." beat: Vampirella's
interjection finally sinks in, so Adam quickly
adds: "And from now on, I've got your back."
Adam!" exclaims Vampirella, jubilant.
darling" queries Vampirella, "what so convinces
you that I am..." "-a superheroine? Why, always,
the yellow bat emblem, of course. Though there's
barely enough fabric." "You should take a closer
look. I'm still just a woman." "A moment ago you
where a monster." "And you where a monster
hunter. What will you do with me now that you've
Vampirella weeps: "Oh Adam, you deserve
to know: I fear that I am barren." "Or
I'm sterile, depending how one looks at
it. Difficulties must be expected in
- "No, Adam. All life on
Earth shares the same
mechanism to forestall
species crossbreeding, but
that doesn't apply
evilved from viral
infection, after all. Theoretically, who knows
what unfathomable union may
prove viable. That very
survival strategy may be
more common than one might
imagine, across the cosmos.
No, Adam, I seem to have
stopped ovulating and I must
face the likelihood that I
may well be damaged goods no
thanks to the accursed
dweller of the crypt. I slew
the fiend, but he has ended
my future, with my murderous
daughter as well dead by my
own hand." "No Vampirella,
love from the stars," Adam
reassures her, "you have
been travelling, and your
pineal gland’s production of
melatonin has become
confused under the Earth's
single moon. It was bound to
happen." "Human women do
also have bicameral brains
and twin ovaries, and yet
both ovaries synchronize
cycles to follow the waxing
and waning of the same
single moon. Amazing. How
strange!" muses Vampirella.
a sudden bat like shriek,
Vampirella retreats from Adam,
and falls to her kneas. Blood
runs crimson down her inner
thighs, pooling copiously on the
floor! "You are wrong: I am
wounded!" exclaims Vampirella.
- "It is sometime called:
the womb wound. And it has
always been terminal,
eventually." laughs Adam. "No,
seriously Adam Van Helsing: What
does this mean?" "It means that
the biosphere of this world has
accepted you." "Sweet liar!"
- "Hey, gorgeous: It means
that you are a real live girl!
Not..." "A walking cadaver?"
"Ordinary women seem like
zombies next to you!"
- Unnoticed by Adam and
Vamipirella, in a back corner of
the crypt, the human featured
spiders are at work on a human
shaped cocoon, besides a
sleeping baby in a cradle, all
that even facing directly, Adam
and Vampirella cannot perceive,
but only seem vaguely uneasy.
Cut to: On
the boardwalk by the ocean,
Abrial runs into an old
friend sporting an ensemble
perhaps best described as
Goth Girl summer wear,
actually Lilith in disguise,
rushing to embrace Abrial,
embrace, the two are watched from a distance by
a comely bather peering upwards from the sea
down the shore from the boardwalk, unsuspecting
of what writhes beneath the gentle lapping
waves, up from the sands beneath her very
on the boardwalk, a catgirl in a sailor fuku,
bicycling by, keen senses suddenly perceiving
something amiss, kicks into into high gear
wheelie, fleeing the scene in terror.
"Coco! I am
Sister Abrial now. I took my middle name. But
I'm still girl Friday, Adam's helpmate Eve,
that's me. And he hardly knows I exist. So of
course, last time I finally saw action, I nearly
stumbled over my own feet and shot him!" "Stupid
little Eva, adorable lovesick nun! Adam Van
fucking patronizing Helsing keeps his distance
and sends you on every insufferable dull errand
that comes up, all out of his clueless masculine
fear for your fragile feminine safety! Abrial:
it suits you. It means: protected one." "Adam
does love me?!" Walking together they reach the
apex of the Boardwalk, with a view of the beach
- Much to Coco's surprise, Leong Naja
coils out from under Abrial's habit:
"Time to go to work, Boss." They all
stare downhill dumbfounded. Coco slips
off her high heeled sandals, and sprints
a decathlon in her bare feet and breezy
black and white polka dot tattered
sundress! But then she slows to a casual
stroll, wearing a big smirk, the
moment she is out from Abrial's
unsuspecting sight, as Abrial, taking a
moment of fervent prayer, beholds in
- Two women hang struggling weakened,
helplessly naked and shackled in the
warm sun. Zooming out into a boom shot,
it can be seen that they are only two of
many others in similar predicament, all
more offerings left by the deranged
cultists. Cries and groans of
desperation and alarm can be heard in
waters by the shore lapping about
Lilith, remains as placid as Lilith
herself, even while very waves rise
in ravishment of the other bathers!
Only Tiffany, skipping her bonds,
makes it ashore.
down to the beach below, can be seen young women
writhing helpless in ravishment by giant
cephalopods. Neanwhile, a surfer chick afloat out at
sea with her board, finds herself suddenly denuded
of her bikini, dragged down and despoiled by the
lascivious denizen of the deep. Nearby, a tentacled
assault on the part of an aquatic intruder lurking
in the public showers, provokes a shrieking panicked
naked stampede, and just inside the toilet stalls
where squat the the unsuspecting occupants, panties
down, another upon another attack ensues from out of
the very commodes!
As ever, some beach goers come better
prepared than others.
Even as the noise and the cries from the
adjacent facilities reverberate, the
hygienically helpful squirting tentacle vanishes
in a flash, right back into the toilet grid. All
is silence but for the musical chimes of water
drops over the surreal hypnotic hiss of the
steam pipes. Lil' Princess Tutu finally draws
breath to scream out for: "MOMMY!!!"
Dissolve into: The credits role over the
scene of Lil' Princess Tutu terrified huddling
in the corner of the shower, as a voice echoes
up from the floor grate:
"You're such a cute kid and I do like you,
really, so I'd never ever hurt you. But if I
wanted to, I would, and it wouldn't even bother
me one bit. That's just how I am, how I've
always been. So remember: be good little girl!"
The credits pause scrolling as Tutu's Mommy
rushes in to pick her up, declaring: "No more
scary movies for you, young lady! You always
become so involved." "Aren't we gonna go see the
sequel, Mommy? (They'll never let me in on my
own...)" "Huh? Oh, no!"
The title rolls up: "VAMPIRELLA will return,
in:" Dissolves into:
"VAMPIRELLA II:" ...as suddenly, a newspaper
slaps down onto the screen right beneath the
title: "VAMPIRELLA II:" The Newspaper headline
reads: "EXCOMMUNICATED!" above a large photo of
Adam Van Helsing and the Leather Nuns, wearing
expressions of shock and consternation.
The credits resume.
Voice of Conrad Van Helsing: "Can it be?
The Holly See, gone in league now with Count Dracula?"
The slurred voice of Pendragon in reply: "What, [hic.]
has he finally forgiven them Reichskonkordat?"
Cut to: Vampirella holds a tampon,
regarding it with dread and incredulity: "Who, me? Put
what, where, when, why?!"
But in reply, the squid-tentacled head
can only ponder, thoughtfully, as...